Mark A. Santomieri: Wal-Mart

Column by Mark A. Santomieri
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I noticed some unusual activity at the WaMart lately. It seems that the renovations are causing quite the ruckus. I saw a woman actually throw her baby at a greeter to get ahead in line. This confused me for a moment, until I found myself stuck between six different families discussing who had what and who was in hospital and how severe and so such. And will you hold my place in line?

C’mon, folks, I was thinking. I just want some apples and some lunch meat. Maybe a six-pack of beer. The latter seemed unlikely, considering a fight over the Coors section had mysteriously erupted as I approached.

Unemployment is a bear in the Valley, I can tell you.

Just another lazy day in paradise.

I did get good intelligence on several community organizations, though. By simply listening, I found out about the Friends of the Library’s annual, the Rotary’s latest events, the YMCA fundraisers coming up, and as a bonus I got a recipe for squirrel pie.

Lord knows, we need to eat more squirrel. We’ve got to keep those birds at full feeders Especially our state’s bird needs fed, the red crested penguin thing, whatever its called.

I’m not an ornithologist, obviously.

So, I was moving along, not so smartly, out of the Wal-Mart when I noticed that they were putting up security cameras. I thought, Halleluiah! Now I don’t have to worry about rolling my windows up or down in fear of sugar-crazed teenagers mucking with my vehicle. It struck me that this is what happens when you have too many Wa-Marts and too few people who pay attention.

Just thinking out loud …