Valley Blue Dog | GOP Diversity: Can’t we all just get along?

Once upon a time, the GOP was monolithic with issues, so what’s up with the Republican Party of late? Over the past 30 years, the Grand Old Party has been reduced to mudslinging political infighting.  GOP Chairman Michael Steele calls this hot-butter popcorn. Popcorn? Not a chance. I believe it’s a case of true colors and say the root cause is a diversity issue.

Say what, Blue Doggie?!?! You’re saying diversity matters with the Republican Party?

Let’s dissect my political theory de jour.

The Blue Dog says there’s seven types of Republicans: Southern, Evangelical, Business-type, John Birch Society, Neo-Conservative, Fiscal Conservative, and Moderates.

Southern Republicans: These old codgers and sublime racist are still fighting the Civil War while claiming it’s a State Rights issue 150 years after the Confederate Rebels lose to the Union, err… I meant to say lose to the United States of America.

I ain’t whistling Dixie, either.

Evangelical Republicans: Dobson, Reed, Falwell, Roberson and Haggerty want to bring back the Puritan witch trials and then imprison all non-Christians, Liberals, Homosexuals, Pro-Choice advocates and the Free Press while enforcing their ‘Do as I say, not as I do’ Biblical morality on the United States of America, err … I meant to say the CSA? That being the Christian States of America, after all, these evangelicals have their own Christian Flag flying in the face of the US Constitution and Bill of Rights. Say Amen and pass the cornbread.

Business-type Republicans: They want, err… I meant to say need to return to the non-regulated, monopolistic and robber-baron days with no middle class and subjugate the working class into corporate-socialist serfdom. How rich! Let them eat cake! And to H-E-Double Hockey sticks with their savings and mortgages.

John Birch Society Republicans: Still fighting the commies 20 years after the Berlin Wall fell. These McCartney Era-Inspired Republicans are still railing against President Roosevelt’s New Deal as a social experiment 60 years after the fact. It’s a return to the Gun, Guts and Glory Days. But alas, their Blue Book is out-of-print.

Neo-Conservative Republicans: These new wave GOP members are still attempting to impeach the Clintons while gutlessly forgiving President Bush Jr. for lying about weapons of mass destruction and the War in Iraq and 6,000 American troop deaths all in the name of nation-building democracy? Not. The Blue Dog is curious as to how much GW Bush’s bloody oil stock is worth?

Fiscal Conservative Republicans: This jaded lot still can’t manage to balance a federal budget with the likes of presidents Reagan, Bush, and Bush Jr. at the helm. In fact, it’s the reverse with high-rolling deficits and huge spending sprees and pork barrel politics.

Fuzzy Math gone mad, I say.

Moderate Republicans: A dying breed? Yes. The most recent victim is retired Virginia Sen. John Warner. Most of these moderates voted for Democrat Obama in the 2008 presidential election.

Thank goodness another moderate, Mark Warner, replaced him.

 

Fliush the Rush?

How could the GOP seriously ally themselves with a draft-dodging, fake-named, arrogant, loudmouth shock jock with a narcotic addiction and obvious eating disorder as the leading spokesman of the Grand Old Party?

The self-appointed head of the Republican Grand Illusion Party, Rush Limbaugh, has been tasked with rallying the GOP support to see President Obama fail as the nation’s leader.

In comments over the weekend, GOP Chairman Steele called Limbaugh’s rhetoric “incendiary” and “ugly” and insisted that he is in charge of the GOP.

Is the Steele and Limbaugh infighting is nothing more than an elephant-on-elephant bitch-slap fest?

Virginia Gov. and Democratic National Committee chairman Tim Kaine says Rush Limbaugh is the Republican “Godfather.” Because Limbaugh says he wants Obama’s “socialist policies” to fail, including the economy, the stock market and unemployment to stay sky-high for the next four years.

The Washington Post reported the GOP Chairman Michael Steele’s Democratic counterpart was “briefly encouraged” by Steele’s “courageous” remarks.

“However, Chairman Steele’s reversal this evening and his apology to Limbaugh proves the unfortunate point that Limbaugh is the leading force behind the Republican Party, its politics and its obstruction of President Obama’s agenda in Washington,” Kaine said in a written statement.

Yo, Timmy! Score a slam-dunk for the new Democratic chairman.

More to the point, GOP Chairman Steele is a bench-warming party leader.

It’s been reported when Katie Couric appeared on David Letterman’s “Late Show” this past week. Letterman called Limbaugh a “bonehead” and asked her, “What about this bonehead Rush Limbaugh? Honest to God, I mean, what is going on there? He gets up in Washington and he’s the keynote speaker at some function and he comes up and he looks like an East European gangster. He’s got the black jacket on, the black silk shirt and it’s unbuttoned like, oh yeah, when you think Rush Limbaugh, you think, ‘Ooh, let’s see a little flesh.’ Honestly. What is he doing?”

Oooh, yeah, baby! American loves hot sweaty elephant-sized politicos.

This ‘Too Sexy for his Butterball Body’ Rush Limbaugh was looking like the GOP ‘Mac Daddy’ at the recent 2009 CPAC.

Blue Dog Translation: MAC DADDY is a term to describe a Daddy Pimp.

Does that make Rush Limbaugh’s Republican Fan Club his conservative brothel?

‘Nuff said.

 

Column by Steven Sisson


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