newshotels com retro beach vacation you had me at beach
Local Retro beach vacation? You had me at beach

Crystal Graham
crystal graham for hire
(Background/Polaroid image ©

Retro beach vacation? You had me at beach.

On first glance, the offer to pay you $15,000 as a Retro Beach Motelier sounds like a little less than paradise. I normally never stay in a motel. But then, didn’t “Schitt’s Creek” make motels cool again? I think that’s worth some consideration. has a contest to send one person to the best retro beach motels across the U.S. – places like The Pearl Hotel in San Diego and the Vagabond Hotel in Miami.

The winner of the gig gets a $10k stipend to travel back in time, a $5k salary to spend on beachside snacks, and old-school seaside accessories like a striped umbrella, vintage sunglasses, a solar-powered AM/FM radio and a Polaroid camera.

I totally already rock the big sunglasses and high-waisted swimsuits so this seems like a job that I’ve been preparing for my whole life. And I’m a journalist. I’ve even written a humor book – so I totally know how to have a good time and make fun of myself at the expense of a good column or photo.

OK, sure, I’m betting a ton of 20-something Instagramers will be lining up for this opp. But hey, there is something to be said for a 45-year-old with a cute shih tzu sidekick who totally knows how to use a Polaroid camera.

Not to mention that I totally already rock the selfie – but my Insta and Facebook accounts are private so …. But my dog’s Insta is public so maybe they’ll see something there.

All I’m saying is that I’m totally down for the retro beach experience – and ready to embrace the look and feel of the ’50s. I mean my shih tzu sidekick is totally model material – and my friends are so fun and would totally love to come along for the experience (not to mention the cool photo ops).

Come on, you know you want to choose this old lady to hit the road. I’ve got my weekender bag ready.

Crystal Graham

Crystal Graham

Crystal Abbe Graham is the regional editor of Augusta Free Press. A 1999 graduate of Virginia Tech, she has worked for nearly 25 years as a reporter and editor for several Virginia publications, written a book, and garnered more than a dozen Virginia Press Association awards for writing and graphic design. She was the co-host of "Viewpoints," a weekly TV news show, and co-host of Virginia Tonight, a nightly TV news show. Her work on "Virginia Tonight" earned her a national Telly award for excellence in television.