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Fifty Plus: Relaxing with Southern culture, jokes and oils

Linda R. Jones

fifty plusI work with all Southerners.  I mean born and sweet tea-raised Southerners.  It appears I serve as Yankee entertainment.  I move quickly, speak quickly, and talk a lot.  Having left Long Island in 1978 for the Air Force, I thought I lost my Yankee status.  I haven’t.  Well, bless my heart.  I know what that means.  It’s all in good fun, but I can’t seem to shake my Yankee habits.

“Would you slow down!” is something I hear frequently at the salon (Fantastic Sam’s in the booming metropolis of Waynesboro).  I don’t realize that I’m moving quickly.  It may not just be a New York thing.  I was raised by German parents and served in the military.  I have to move.  I have to be good and quick.  The German background is about work ethic where perfection is the standard.  The military gave me the professional discipline.

There’s a three-ring phone rule that’s been ingrained in me.  You have to get the phone by the third ring.  It’s some random rule I picked up years ago.  At the salon, I’ll fly to the phone.  The stylists laugh.  “Slow down, Linda.  We can get it, too.”  But they’re busy, and it’s my job.  They all think I’m high strung – because I am.

Two weeks ago Vickie, the manager, called me to the back.

“Linda, come here!  You have to smell this.”

Vickie had her hands cupped and told me to inhale deeply and tell her what fragrance it was.  I inhaled.

“Eucalyptus?”

“No!  Inhale it again.  Really deeply.”

I started getting nervous.  This was my boss.  Maybe it was a test for a new product we would be selling.  I had to get this correct.  I listed every fragrance I could think of to no avail.  Finally, I said latex.  She had been wearing gloves from doing a color.

Vickie started laughing.  She told me it was a blend of oils.  Sitting in the back was another stylist, Debra, and she was laughing as well.  The joke had commenced.

I trotted back to the reception area.  I noticed Vickie and Debra were still smirking and looking at me.  I couldn’t figure out why besides my lack of smell.  About 20 minutes later Vickie and Debra came up to the reception area.

“Well, now you’re awfully relaxed.”

Well, yes, I was.  I was focused, calm, and not running my mouth.

“What I had you smell is a blend of oils called ‘Calm and Focused,’ and I believe it worked for you.”

What?  No way!  We had had a demonstration of organic oils, soaps, sprays, and what not.  Initially I thought it was exaggerated.  Sure, I’m good with organic yet I wasn’t about to spend money on these products.  Had Vickie and Debra not pulled their little prank, I wouldn’t have believed it worked.  I purchased my “Calm and Focused” oil immediately.

The jokes continue.  They still tease me about being a Yankee.  Deidre likes to get a rise out of me because I take the bait and it makes her laugh.  Jennifer prank calls me and laughs because I fall for it every time.  I call Barbara Debra and Barbara smiles delightfully and says, “Barbara.”  I still have to get the phone before the third ring.  Debra, not Barbara, reminds me to smell my oils.  Vickie runs a classy shop.  And, there’s always time to chat with Mamaw, have some sweet tea, and smell organic oils.

Column by Linda R. Jones

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