You’ve got me pegged

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

“You’re a card-carrying member of the ACLU,” the missive began.

Honest and for true.

The sentence was so matter of fact that I actually checked my wallet.

You know – for my card.

I figured it had to be in there.

When I didn’t find it immediately, I read on.

And then I realized – it was just somebody who figured they knew me better than I knew myself based on something that they’d read.

(And no, for the record, I’m not a card-carrying member of the ACLU. The only card that I carry denoting any type of membership status is for the YMCA.)

Ahem.

Happens all the time these days – and I’m not just referring to the issue of people misinterpreting what they see in print.

“Watch out, Buster, or I’m going to send Al Gore after you,” another missive warned.

The piece that spawned that one had to do with global warming – and how I was threatening to stand outside with an aerosol can to do my part to get summer jumpstarted here in the mountains of Virginia.

I didn’t realize that them was fighting words – or that Gore had been training in hand-to-hand combat since his ill-fated run for the White House in ’00.

(Memo to the man who was once the next president of the United States: I’ve been lifting weights at the YMCA for going on six months now. So if you’re feeling froggy …)

Er … and then there was the reaction to my column on NASCAR dads – in which I wondered aloud why the PA announcer at two stock-car races had to remind the supposedly uberpatriotic fans in attendance to remove their hats before the playing of the national anthem.

“I’m holding up a finger in salute to you as I type this – and it’s not my index finger, if you know where I’m going with this,” I was informed by one e-mailer.

For those keeping score at home, I was targeted once by conservatives, once by liberals and once by a NASCAR fan with digital Tourette’s.

(Yes, I know. Now I’m going to hear from mental-health advocates. Geez, you can’t win for losing anymore.)

The point is – relax, peeps. It will be all right.

Just having a little fun with the news of the day.

And yes, since you’re thinking it, I am a liberal-centrist-right-winger-Nazi-socialist-sexist-pig – thanks for asking.