Home The Ann Coulter way
Local, Politics

The Ann Coulter way

Chris Graham

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

I’ve got it all figured out.

How I’m going to become rich and famous, that is.

Here goes …

I’m going to be Ann Coulter.

You know, the shrill shrew who threatens to eat her rivals’ children.

Sorry, that was Mike Tyson. Coulter is the one who picks on widows of those killed in the 9/11 terror attacks.

(Amazing, ain’t it – how Tyson comes across as somehow being less sanguinary in this context?)

Back to my plan – I’m going to adopt the Coulter model and make it my own.

Hey, she’s sold a bazillion books and lectures to college groups across the country – which must mean that there’s a good-sized market for what she does.

Namely, pick on people.

I have to admit that I’m not sure how suited I am for the job.

Which is not to say that I’m not above picking on people.

For example, just the other day, I let rip with quite a few choice words about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

“Who the hell cares,” I said, to myself, since no one was there for me to be jocular with, “about whether or not those two dopes had a kid?”

Of course, there’s no money to be made there – ripping solo on the rich and famous, calling them dopes, that kind of thing.

Not if I’m going to follow the Coulter model, anyway.

Well, let me revisit that one. If Pitt and Jolie were of a certain political persuasion, then it would be OK to tear them two new ones.

That I am not aware of their politics (if they have any, given all the attention they’ve given to babymaking, apparently) shows how hard I’m going to have to work at this.

Ann Coulter would know in a nanosecond where Pitt and Jolie tended to swing in terms of their political leanings – and if she didn’t know, she’d go on and on and on to the point where you’d assume that she knew.

That’s the secret to the Coulter business, ladies and germs. I shouldn’t share this with you, given that I’m aiming to get into the field myself, but, oh, what the hell.

Are you ready? You have to find the right audience – preferably one that doesn’t read much.

So no, that doesn’t mean you – you’re obviously well read, you know, given …

Ahem.

The key is research – or lack thereof. The less the reader knows, the more I can get away with.

And thus …

Can you believe that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? A two-bit actress on the left hooks up with a one-note actor from god-knows-where, honestly, pops a baby out, and we’re supposed to drop everything and worship little Brangelina, or whatever the soaked-with-their-own-spittle liberal-media elites want us to call this spawn of Satan. I don’t see what the big deal is, personally. But maybe that’s the point that the liberal-media eggheads …

I don’t know – I think it could use some work. Not nearly enough in the way of shrillness for me to be able to count on being able to make any money at it long term.

Let me give it one more try.

Can you believe that Ann Coulter? She’s fawned over by many on the right as babe-a-licious royalty and the rock star of the conservative movement. Seriously, guys, you need to get out more. The harpie has rock-star looks, sure, but Keith Richards in drag is nothing to blog home about …

I might be getting there.

Chris Graham

Chris Graham

Chris Graham, the king of "fringe media," a zero-time Virginia Sportswriter of the Year, and a member of zero Halls of Fame, is the founder and editor of Augusta Free Press. A 1994 alum of the University of Virginia, Chris is the author and co-author of seven books, including Poverty of Imagination, a memoir published in 2019. For his commentaries on news, sports and politics, go to his YouTube page, or subscribe to his Street Knowledge podcast. Email Chris at [email protected].

Latest News

Arts, Local

All about the sauce: Off Center presents original story of siblings fighting for family legacy

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In Florida
Sports Betting

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In Florida

Amanda Serrano and Katie Taylor will add another chapter to one of the most thrilling rivalries in women’s boxing history with an Undisputed Super Lightweight Championship fight at Madison Square Garden on Friday night. The main card begins at 8:00 p.m. ET and will be aired on Netflix while Taylor vs. Serrano is expected to...

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In Georgia
Sports Betting

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In Georgia

Katie Taylor and Amanda Serrano will return to Madison Square Garden for the final chapter of their trilogy on Friday night. Taylor is the reigning undisputed Super Lightweight champion but will come into Friday’s fight as the underdog with +185 odds to win. In the other corner, Serrano is looking to avenge the first defeat...

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In South Carolina
Sports Betting

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In South Carolina

donald trump
Economy, Politics, U.S. & World

‘America First’: Trump to continue federal workforce reductions with State Department layoffs

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In California
Sports Betting

How To Bet On Katie Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3 In California

5 Best Betting Apps with Betting Offers for Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3
Sports Betting

5 Best Betting Apps with Betting Offers for Taylor vs. Amanda Serrano 3