Dumb and dumber

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

I was taking in some TV the other day when it occurred to me …

“Yeah. America is getting dumbed down.”

I couldn’t recall where I’d first heard that – funny, huh, that this was the case, considering how I was thinking about how dumb we’re all getting?

Oh, and I almost forgot – I had professional wrestling on the tube while I was musing on this topic.

No, it was NASCAR.

I remember now – it was a Larry the Cable Guy DVD.

For the record, it wasn’t Larry the Cable Guy who was guilty of planting this seed in my head regarding this whole we’re-dumbing-ourselves-down discussion.

Seriously, I can’t see Larry wanting to prattle on about how dumb we all are.

“My sister’s covered with moles.”
Cracks me up every time.

I digress.

Ahem.

As I was saying, we’re dumbing down, y’all.

It might be strange for me to say, but I’m OK with this.

I mean, sure, I get frustrated when Darrell Waltrip insists that the track is moving because the cars driving by a camera installed on the retaining wall cause said camera to jump back and forth.

And then there’s that whole thing about wrestling – excuse me, rasslin – where the referee gets distracted while the bad guy hits the good guy over the head with a metal folding chair to score the pin, and, well, the ref didn’t see it, so it counts.

Of course, I was watching the World Cup the other day – i.e. the sport favored by Eurosnobs – and saw a French player headbutt an Italian rival in the middle of the pitch.

My initial reaction was – “All right! Some action! It’s about friggin’ time!”

And then I overheard the color commentator getting upset when the guy got thrown out of the game.

“I don’t think the referee saw that directly. And if he saw it on the replay scoreboard, well …”

That, folks, would be what Jim Ross and Jerry “The King” Lawler get riled up about every Monday night.

So …

Maybe the ref does have to see it for it to count – I get it now.

(Call me a rasslin snob now. Hoo boy.)

And maybe the track is moving – Darrell, I’m sorry I ever doubted you.

And yes, DW, I’ll make sure to watch out the next time I’m driving in my Geo Metro to make sure that I am neither too tight or too loose – because I understand from you that both can be bad, depending on the conditions.

And while my sister isn’t covered with moles, I have two first cousins named Junior, an uncle named Junior, another named Boogie, a third named Bunny, relatives who work in prisons and serve time in them – and yet somehow, some way, I found my way not only onto a college campus, but managed to graduate.

Let’s see your average soccer-worshipping, Formula One-watching, wine-and-cheese-eating Eurosnob overcome those odds.

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