The “biggest Wrestlemania match of all time” got all of 12:17, not even half the time WWE gave to a segment that ended with a 76-year-old going over in a match with a color commentator.
Cody Rhodes, hope you were taking notes.
At least the Roman Reigns-Brock Lesnar saga, ongoing for seven years – they main-evented Wrestlemania 31 in 2015 – may finally be over, with Reigns going over on Lesnar.
All it took was a single spear, after Reigns had forced a rope break from a Lesnar kimura submission attempt.
The match was a back-and-forth affair featuring several Lesnar suplexes, a run of Reigns Superman punches and spears, a Lesnar F5, the kimura, the finishing spear.
Lou Thesz and Buddy Rogers have nothing to worry about.
The match never did build up to the big fight feel that weeks of us being sold on this one being the “biggest Wrestlemania match of all time” had us coming to expect.
Neither guy is a five-star-match type of guy, but Lesnar, at least, has bona fides as a former UFC and NCAA champ, though he pared down his setlist years ago, focusing on suplexes and striking as a way to prolong.
There could have been some sports entertainment booking to give us more here – maybe a run of near-falls, outside interference.
They did do a ref bump, but it wasn’t consequential to the final outcome.
It was just, submission, rope break, spear, it’s over, time for bed.
Seriously, we watched eight hours of TV this weekend for … that.
The booker can’t resist
Vince McMahon had been rumored weeks ago for a match with Pat McAfee, but the announced card had McAfee, a color commentator on “Smackdown,” engaging with McMahon’s latest stooge, Austin Theory, a 24-year-old who has the aura of future world champ about him.
So, of course, Theory was booked to lose, clean, to McAfee, in 9:38, the reason for his loss being to give McMahon, watching from ringside, an excuse to then challenge McAfee to an impromptu match.
McMahon, at 76, and not even a healthy-looking 76.
The second match was what you’d expect. The offense from McMahon was him holding his right arm out so that McAfee could run himself into clotheslines.
Then Theory, still at ringside, took advantage of a ref distraction to crotch McAfee around the ringpost.
Theory next handed McMahon a football, which McMahon punted, gingerly, into McAfee’s sternum, before scoring the 1-2-3.
McMahon and Theory celebrated, ahead of the arrival of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, fresh off his Night 1 main-event victory over Kevin Owens.
Austin set up McMahon for a stunner, but the execution was as bad as you’ll ever see, since McMahon tried to oversell the kick to the ribs, stumbled into the ropes, then basically sat down bow-legged.
It was as painful to watch as it had to be for the old man to take.
That McMahon thinks anybody cares to see him even on TV anymore, much less wrestling in the match before the main event of a two-day weekend, is a nod to his hubris.
Highlight of the weekend: Cody Rhodes
Rhodes made his return to WWE, and in interviews after the event, made it seem like his six years on the indy circuit and in AEW were all about doing what he needed to do to convince McMahon to want him back.
Rhodes got the win in his return over Seth Rollins, setting up, maybe, just maybe, a quick dash to the top of the ladder in terms of the WWE title picture?
The haphazard booking in WWE eventually flames out the momentum of everyone not kayfabe named Roman Reigns, so while it might be smarter to settle into a long-term story arc building Rhodes up for a SummerSlam main event with Reigns, there’s always another premium live event next month.
Don’t be surprised, and hat tip for this idea to my good buddy Mark Moses, to see Rhodes announce tonight on “Raw” that he’s challenging Reigns to give him a world title shot, meaning a match at Backlash on May 8, and Rhodes performing as Stardust by SummerSlam.
(The other) Lowlight of the Weekend: Omos
Bobby Lashley got the win over the 7’3” Omos, which, yeah.
It’s not the kid’s fault that WWE rushed him to the main show before he was ready, if he was ever going to be ready.
What do you do with a 7-footer who can’t work and can’t talk?
Quick hits
Doing the math, the two shows – Saturday and Sunday – had three hours and 16 minutes of wrestling between them. That means we sat through nearly five hours of ring entrances, video packages, commercials on Peacock and McMahons putting themselves over.
The announced crowds totaled 156,352 in attendance for the two night. WrestleTix reported that actual distributed tickets for the two nights were a combined 131,372, and Dave Meltzer at Wrestling Observer Radio expects ticket sales to come in closer to 56,000-60,000 per night. In any case, a big weekend for WWE, even if not as big as WWE is claiming.
Story by Chris Graham
Share
Contributors
