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Jeff Gordon to retire: Who do we root against now?

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gordonIf you follow NASCAR very generally, and have friends who follow it religiously, you know who Jeff Gordon is, and it’s why you root for him, mainly to upset the acolytes.

So now with the news that Gordon, the Rainbow Warrior, is going to retire after the 2015 Sprint Cup season, what are you to do now to get under their skin?

“That’s easy. Danica Patrick.”

These words of wisdom came from my wife, and she might be onto something, though I can also imagine the response of the faithful.

“She’s more of a man than Jeff Gordon ever was.” Or something along those lines.

Gordon is Triple H, Vladimir Putin, Osama bin Laden and Satan all wrapped into one. I know tons of NASCAR fans (literally), and I don’t know a single one who roots for him, other than those like me who profess fandom mainly for the purpose of needling.

NASCAR will miss Gordon when he’s gone for that reason. Sports needs its New York Yankees, Dallas Cowboys, Notre Dame football, Duke basketball, forces that win, often, and come across as rubbing it in your face when they do it.

They don’t lose often, but when they do, man, it’s sweet.

Heels sell way more tickets than the best babyfaces ever will.

I’m going to try Danica and see how that goes. She needs to win something before too many people will hate her, I suspect, but she’s all we’ve got now.

– Column by Chris Graham

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