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The presidential election may be over, but it’s likely to be the topic of conversation at Thanksgiving tables across the United States next week.
Some people, myself included, cannot fathom how family members and friends voted, not for a Republican or Democrat, but for a man, Donald Trump, who represents the worst of America – who speaks negatively of many people they, and I, care about: LGBTQ+ individuals, those with disabilities, veterans and well, the list is just too long.
Some people have chosen to go “no contact” with their families due to strong differences; others have essentially canceled Thanksgiving and Christmas this year due to diverging opinions on the future of the country.
In a recent New Yorker article, the author talked about how one woman made the decision to go “no contact” with her family and had no regrets.
“Can I tell you how great it was to skip out on my first Thanksgiving?” she told the writer. “I haven’t heard family drama in years.”
Essayist Andrea Tate shared a column on Huffington Post about the political differences that she has with her husband and in-laws and her decision to avoid them over the holidays.
“I will not be in a room of 15 people who voted for Trump,” she wrote.
Tate also shared her anger at her husband due to his glee over the outcome of the race. However, she noted, “there is simply too much history and love between us to let this election tear us apart.”
A Virginia Tech expert agrees with Tate’s conclusion and says it isn’t impossible to keep relationships intact despite strong political differences.
Todd Schenk, an associate professor and chair of the Department of Urban Affairs and Planning, said there is a time and place for tough conversations, and it probably isn’t around a crowded dinner table especially when alcohol is involved.
However, he said, the discussions shouldn’t necessarily be avoided, either.
Tips for talking politics after presidential election
Schenk offers the following suggestions for talking to others who have differing viewpoints during the holidays.
- Find the right time and venue
- Ensure there is mutual commitment to respectful and constructive dialogue
- When ready to engage, be prepared for a difficult or challenging conversation
- Start by building a shared understanding of where each side is coming from
- Go in with a genuine curiosity and willingness to listen
- Use active listening techniques including appropriate body language and asking questions
- Try not to make assumptions
Trying to persuade someone to see a different viewpoint, he said, doesn’t usually happen in one conversation. It is rooted in counterparts feeling heard and respected; only then can they reconsider how their positions do and do not align with their core values.
“Active listening techniques can seem cliché, but evidence, including our own research, suggests that their application can build empathy,” Schenk said. “There is some debate around the value of empathy, but I think it is hard to argue against its importance when we are talking about relationships with friends and family members.”
Further reading
- “Election 2024: From the reddest part of a blue state, I’m disappointed in you, America,” Augusta Free Press column by Crystal Abbe Graham
- “My husband and his family voted for Trump — so I’m canceling Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Huffington Post essay by Andrea Tate
- “Why so many people are going no contact with their parents,” New Yorker article by Anna Russell
- Augusta County teen on gender identity: ‘I’m not ashamed of being trans’
- Virginia mom furious on Alabama IVF ruling: ‘My children would not be here’
- ‘Everyone is welcome’: The Faded Poppy repurposes Outfitters building on East Main Street
- I’m a childless dog mom, and I care about America, no matter what JD Vance thinks
- Poverty of Imagination: An eight-part series on what keeps us down
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Crystal Graham
