Fifty Plus: I won! Wait, what?

Column by Linda R. Jones

It was my first silent auction online and I was bidding on a few items.  It was a lot of fun.  Chris Graham, you may know the guy, was having a fundraiser for his New York marathon for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.  I could justify my bids because it was going to a good cause.  Chris might be doing the running but I’m sure his wife, Crystal Abbe Graham, set up the auction.

I bid on Scentsy products, local tanning, and a six month membership to the Waynesboro YMCA.  I made a joke comment on my last bid for the YMCA.  I said my profile picture was nine years and 50 extra pounds ago so I needed this more than anyone else bidding.  It was a joke although it’s true.  People don’t pay attention to comments when bidding.  Yes, they do.

I received a notification from Crystal that I had won my bid.  I wasn’t wearing my glasses so I assumed it was for the Scentsy products.  I got excited for more great wax bars to make my house smell lovely.  Then I put on my glasses.  I won the YMCA membership.  Wait.  What?  So my final bid comment worked.  People acknowledged that I need to start exercising.  I thought I’ve made it clear how I feel about that “e” word.  I don’t like it.

Great.  Now it’s public too.  Everyone knows I have a six month membership to the YMCA.  I have no excuses for not doing some type of exercise.  That “e” word!  Crystal notified me that she would get the membership to me immediately.  I told her not to rush.  I need to get myself mentally prepared for this.

Honestly, I’ve looked at everything the YMCA has to offer and quite a bit appeals to me.  They’ve got yoga classes, low impact water aerobics, and some mild range in motion classes geared toward elderly.  I’m not buying that elderly thing.  I’ve seen 80 year old women tearing up Zumba classes.  How am I supposed to go to a class where I’m 25 years younger yet so out of shape?  I’m going to be laughed at by senior citizens.

This win is overwhelming.  I’m exhausted just thinking about going to the YMCA to sign in or whatever you do.  I can’t drive my car there because people know I live two blocks away.  Good grief!  So in addition to having to use the membership, start getting in shape, I also have to trek there twice.  On the way back is a hill.  I can’t do this.  It’s too much.

Today I remembered I have a yoga mat still in its plastic wrap.  It’s pretty.  It has purple flowers.  I also have a friend down the block that has been wanting me to go to a yoga class with her.  Now she knows I can’t bail out.  She lives on the way to the YMCA so we could walk together.  I have further to walk.  A half a block further.

Water aerobics.  I also remembered I bought an old lady style, which is now the young lady style, swim suit last year.  It looks sort of like a 1940s pin-up girl suit.  I actually wore it last year and didn’t frighten anyone.  It hides my belly rolls and distracts from cellulite.  I even have comfortable workout clothes and good sneakers so I could work out ever so gradually.  Again, no excuses.

I’ll make it to the YMCA.  I might be slow at first.  Maybe my yoga mat disintegrated.  Ah nuts.  The next silent auction I’m bidding on things that won’t make me move.