Home Chris Graham: Tone down on the succeed thing

Chris Graham: Tone down on the succeed thing


312_stopthepressesOn the one hand, America loves to give out ribbons to people who do nothing other than try. On the other hand, we love even more to beat down people who actually succeed.

Tiger Woods has won 14 major golf tournaments. Ninety-nine-point-nine percent of his critics who lambaste him for not having won more can’t hit a golf ball, but that doesn’t shut ‘em up.

We routinely beat down politicians, for the sole reason that they wear a red tie or a blue tie, and thus because they don’t agree with everything we say, they’re idiots and enemies of the state.

Kids at school who have the misfortune to get good grades? God forbid they have to ride the school bus home. (I speak from experience on that one. Straight As earned me the f—-t epithet from the back of the bus. Curse my literacy.)

People who do well in business or rise to the top of their profession don’t know from their ivory towers how the other 98 percent lives.

(Though most of them were the other 98 percent for about 98 percent of their lives, give or take.)

Get a promotion at work. She only got it because she kisses her boss’s ass.

Take a well-earned vacation. Must be nice.

Don’t get caught being successful at something and then trying to share how you did it with the idea that you might inspire others.


We want to win the lottery, because we deserve to be fabulously wealthy. We want to literally be able to have our cake, eat it, too, and take a magic pill to not only make sure that the calories aren’t added to our already fat asses, but also takes the fat off our fat asses.

We want somebody to pat us on the back for trying, because that’s what they give out the ribbons for, for trying.

Trying too hard, wanting to actually accomplish something, nobody likes those Type A personalities.

Mediocrity is the sweet spot; devolution is the new evolution.

We’re not going to crap as a country. We’re swimming in it.



Have a guest column, letter to the editor, story idea or a news tip? Email editor Chris Graham at [email protected]. Subscribe to AFP podcasts on Apple PodcastsSpotifyPandora and YouTube.