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Snack time


Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

Us American fat-slob types are always getting together for lunch.

Or dinner.

Or breakfast.
And then we eat like “Survivor” contestants moments after they’re allowed to eat something other than berries and rats for the first time in 40 days.

Which is to say, like a pack of rabid dogs.

“Just keep your arms and feet clear, and you should be just fine. Thanks.”

We pretend, ahem, that we do it for the camaraderie.

Wink. Wink.


Notice how we never just order a salad and water – for the camaraderie.


That’s the ticket.

Because we’re enabling each other.

(Admit it. Come on. OK, please …)

I have the solution – short of us all getting into our own 12-step program, anyway.

The next time your buddy from accounting wants to get together for lunch, make a counteroffer.

“Let’s get together for a snack.”


Never thought of that, did you?

Catch up over a container of apple sauce and a diet Coke.

Yeah, that’s the way to do it.

Heck, have a Twix.

(Share, though. None of this “two for me, none for you” crap.)

Of course, even at 400 calories for two, you’re still saving, oh, about two large from a grazing at your favorite Italian or Tex-Mex place.

Not to mention all that time waiting for your check.

“Some time before the end of the millennium, miss. I thank you.”

And then there’s the check itself.

The average snack will run you what, 59 cents?

Plus a drink that might come to $1.09?

For less than four rolls of pennies, you’re covered.

(This could be the solution to our recession, peeps. Save money on fine dining, spend more on new cars, new homes, new industrial-size air conditioners. You kow, the big-ticket items that drive our economy like A.C. driving O.J. down the 405 on yet another search for the real killers.)

And then there’s the factor of how you might have some time to actually talk to your so-called friends.

“So, Brad …”

“That’s Brian.”

“Oh. Wow. I never knew. So, what are your thoughts on … global warming?”

This could be a drawback.

And what about how most snacks just … you know, don’t cut it in the place of a full meal?

You’ve heard of Ethiopia, right?

A banana, a bag of M&Ms and a bottled water is more than enough to get you through the day.

And save you some much-needed, recession-busting cash.

And help you get to know your friends.

“Who majors in 15th century Eastern European history? Man, you’re such a wuss. I mean, who knew?”

It’s snack time, boys and girls.



(Published 06-21-03)



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