A night in a luxury suite at an O’s game: How the 1 percent lives

If you ever get offered tickets to a luxury suite at a Baltimore Orioles game, go ahead and take your friend up on the offer, and then thank yourself for your incredibly good fortune.

I had this opportunity Saturday night, courtesy Mark Taylor at Lumos Networks in Waynesboro, whose job has him in contact with the fine folks at MASN, the Mid Atlantic Sports Network.

MASN, being the TV network that brings us the O’s and the Washington Nationals, of course has the bossest of boss suites at Camden Yards.

Seriously, after my night at the ballpark, for the O’s 4-3 walk-off win over the Oakland A’s, I am devoting my life to figuring out how to channel my inner Donald Trump to be able to afford taking in baseball games this way going forward from here.

My one fear going in was that the suite would dumb down the game atmosphere, that all we’d do is sit in the suite and watch the game on TV, if we watched the game at all.

That wasn’t an issue at all. My wife, Crystal, and I were able to sit outside the suite in adjoining seats for the entirety of the game, ducking in between innings for, well … everything.

Unlimited food. Unlimited beer. Then Dennis Martinez, “El Presidente,” came by to hang out for a couple of innings. (I got a selfie.)

Then …

“Sir, the dessert cart is here.”

The biggest understatement ever uttered in my presence.

Dessert cart? This was heaven on wheels. Pieces of cake as big as wedding cakes. I had a Reese’s peanut butter cupcake that would give two horses diabetes.

And then … the chocolate Fireball shots.

As the name would seem to imply, these were shots of fireball inside a chocolate bowl that you could then eat, and of course you’d eat it, it was chocolate.

My tally for the night, unofficially: 10 chicken fingers, Boog’s Brisket, eight beers, one glass of wine, three chocolate Fireball shots.

And a walk-off homer by Chris Davis to win the game in the bottom of the ninth.

None of us wanted the night to end.

For me, mainly because tomorrow and hereafter, I’m back with the other 99 percent, watching games either from the cheap seats or at home on TV.

But for one night, I was the 1 percent, living the life.

That atavistic capitalism stuff is good stuff. Sign me up for it in the next life.

– Column by Chris Graham