A-men

  
Column by Chris Graham
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I’m known to tinker, so when I went about the self-appointed task of tinkering with what a lot of us call the Lord’s Prayer, it should have come as no surprise.

I’ve long since gotten past being worried about being considered sacrilegious. I mean, I’m so Unitarian-Universalist that I haven’t even been to the U-U church in, what, a year?

I still have some of that Baptist in me from growing up in a straitlaced conservative family, so I have this habit from childhood of saying the Lord’s Prayer before I go to sleep each night.

It was one night recently that I decided, you know, that maybe I could improve upon the prayer.

You know, because I’m a writer, and supposed to be something of a wordsmith even among writers.

Here’s what I’ve come up with. I’ll break it down in detail afterward.

Father,
Thanks for today.
Thanks for my daily bread.
I vow to treat others the way I want to be treated.
I ask that you forgive me for my sins, just like I forgive other people for their sins.
I ask that you steer me away from temptation, and also that when I steer myself into temptation, you’ll deliver me from it.
In the name of Jesus, the son of Mary, the son of Joseph, the Son of Man, the Son of God, Amen.

To the line by line …
– Father: A simple recognition of a higher power. I’m not a fan of “Lord.” Mine isn’t a self-important God.
– Thanks for today: Don’t take the day for granted.
– Thanks for my daily bread: Don’t take what you get to eat for granted.
– I vow to treat others the way I want to be treated: Why not include the old Golden Rule in the daily supplications? I think it’s good reinforcement.
– I ask that you forgive me for my sins, just like I forgive other people for their sins: A basic rewording of the garbled King James vocabulary and syntax that we grew up with.
– I ask that you steer me away from temptation, and also that when I steer myself into temptation, you’ll deliver me from it: More rewording, with a twist. We’ve been taught to ask God to “deliver us from evil.” I’m not big into the idea that there is some inherent “evil” out there. That’s a copout. How about we acknowledge that we’re responsible for our own screwups?
– In the name of Jesus, the son of Mary, the son of Joseph, the Son of Man, the Son of God, Amen: Again, I’m not big on “Lord.” This ending puts Jesus of Nazareth in historical context. He was the son of Mary and the son of Joseph. The gospels have him referring to himself as the “Son of Man.” Later generations put him as the Son of God.

Some of y’all out there reading this are ready to condemn me to hell, which is fine. I don’t begrudge you your spirituality; I ask the same in return.

Maybe this helps you process your metaphysical beliefs; maybe it’s bunk.

(It’s more likely the latter. I’m good at conceding points.)

At the least, if you’ve read this far, I’ve made you think.

Thinking isn’t bad for you.