My buddy Brian has a great idea for who Elon Musk, who has to step down as CEO of Twitter, because he lost that poll the other day, and he said he’d abide by it, either way, can hire to replace him: Donald Trump.
“Make Orange Idiot CEO. We can’t lose,” he texted me.
I have to say, this is gold, gold!
Yeah, Trump would have to do some wrangling to get out of whatever legal entanglements there’d be with his fledgling Truth Social, but it’s not like the guy has ever let something as insignificant as the binding terms of a legally executed contract (or, for that matter, the Constitution of the United States) get in his way before.
And Musk has already done the dirty work, recasting Twitter, already drowning in raw sewage when he bought it, as a kinder, gentler 4Chan, which, if you’re not familiar, think raw sewage, mixed with the tears of incels, so it would be tailor-made for Trump to continue the effort on behalf of the world’s former richest man to fly the bird app straight into the ground.
Having Trump running Twitter, in turn, would allow Musk to focus his attention on further running what’s left of Tesla (motto: we’ll figure out the self-driving thing … eventually) into bankruptcy.
This is a win-win, I tell you.
Because, let’s face it, for all his recent bluster and posturing, Musk can’t hold a candle to Trump in terms of being the hero of the Nazis, QAnons, anti-vaxxers and other dregs of the earth on social media.
I mean, he’s been trying, but it’s almost like he’s trying too hard, and the conspiracy theory set is going to start seeing through his act before you know it, and turn on him like they’re turning on that noted RINO, Marjorie Taylor Greene, right now.
And Musk, obviously, can’t afford to have that happen.
He’s already forever lost the libs who used to buy his Teslas.
If the alt-right that he, for some reason, decided to hitch his wagon to starts thinking he needs to hang like Mike Pence, well …
So, he puts Trump in charge, wedges in Kanye West with a title like Head of Twitter Security, puts the guy who hit Paul Pelosi in the head with a hammer to head up the political outreach.
Alex Jones could be the head of the fact-check desk.
Mike Lindell could run the Twitter polls, to make sure, you know, that Dominion isn’t allowed anywhere near them.
And Tucker Carlson would be an awesome liaison to his handlers in the Kremlin, to make sure the Russian bots that Musk, rather curiously, hasn’t had much to say about since he got a look at the back end of how Twitter works, are properly amplifying the right propaganda.
I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how any of these village idiots make money, but there seems to be no end to the line of feckless mouth-breathers who will give them money for pillows, dick pills and, now, fake trading cards.
Nothing Musk has planned is going to draw a dime, but My Twitter Pillows, Tweet Deez Nuts pills and whatever the hell NFTs are supposed to be might be the only way the app doesn’t end up going the way of MySpace.
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Chris Graham
