My Almanac, please

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

I’ve had it with the weather people.

They’ve been promising us the big one all winter – but have they delivered on their promise?

No-o-o-o-o.

Which isn’t to say that they haven’t been deluging us with their ideas about how the big blizzard is on its way.

“We can expect anywhere from three to five inches to accumulate later today …”

This was what the weather doofus at Channel 3 broke into programming to tell us Sunday morning.

Now, I’m no expert, but I could tell from looking at weather.com on the Internet that he was way, way off base.

I mean, just a gander at the radar made it rather obvious that the storm that he and his cohorts had been telling us was going to hit was already over and done with.

And it was – within a couple of hours, the friggin’ sun was out, the temperatures were into the 40s.

This one wasn’t the only dud of a big snowstorm – not by a longshot.

Remember the one from a few weeks back – I think it was supposed to hit us on Groundhog Day, as fate would have it.

It was also the day of the big Duke-UVa. basketball game – so I was tuned in early that week to the weather forecast.

So when they told us to expect the ice storm of the century the afternoon of the game, well …

I made arrangments to get a ride over the mountains with a friend who has a four-wheel drive.

And I made sure that I was right with God – because as much as I was determined that nothing was going to prevent me from seeing this game, you know, God doesn’t suffer such foolishness.

Ahem.

The friggin’ sun was out that afternoon – this one had been a 100-percent chance of snow and ice.

I will concede that I did notice a few sprinkles – four, five maybe, total – on my way home that night after midnight.

So it’s plain and dadgum obvious that they can’t get snow and ice right.

What happened, then, to the nice weather that we were supposed to have last week?

Getting back to Sunday, when we were in line for all this snow and ice and the rest … earlier in the week, the weather headlines had us in store for a high of 68 degrees on that same Sunday that later turned into OldManWinterStrikesBackPalooza.

So which is it – 68 degrees and an early spring, or “Planes, Trains and Automobiles”?

I mentioned Groundhog Day above – I’m beginning to think that we’re better off just asking Punxsutawney Phil.

Even though I have a bone to pick with him and his prediction of an early spring.

Anybody out there got a Farmer’s Almanac I can consult?