We’re fans of professional ice hockey at my house and it’s playoff season. Well, my husband and daughter are the fans with me giving just a mild rat’s ass. I used to be a fan years ago and then started leaning left of center and question why professional athletes make so much money. What do they do to contribute to society besides entertainment? I suppose, as always, it’s that distraction from real issues. I digress. I do enjoy the entertainment of my husband and daughter spewing the vilest words in the English language during game times. I also discovered I have evil super powers in my husband’s man cave to cause his team to lose.
As my cousin suggested, not in any historical (read important issue) context, “We are a house divided.” My husband is a Philadelphia Flyers fan and my daughter a Pittsburgh Penguins fan. Those two went to Philadelphia recently just to see their teams have at it. I just wanted some good Philadelphia food which they were kind enough to bring back.
My evil super powers emerged on Thursday. I walked by my husband’s man cave and asked how the Flyers were doing. He said no score yet. I childishly chanted, “They’re gonna lose.” Within three seconds, the Washington Capitals scored. My husband stood up in disbelief and yelled, “Get out! You’re evil!” I had to laugh and unfortunately it came out like a witch’s cackle. The Flyers lost and my husband announced I was banned from entering the man cave during hockey. I was only allowed to stand at the threshold. My daughter of course, enjoyed the exchange since the Penguins won the night before.
On Saturday we had three floors of televisions running at the same time. My daughter was upstairs in her room watching a game, my husband in his man cave, and no one in the family room. “Who’s watching TV in the family room,” I asked. No answer. I suppose someone left on a DIY channel for the dogs to observe since I had no interest in watching the games.
The Pittsburgh Penguins were playing the NY Rangers late afternoon. My daughter voiced a slew of choice words and I could only suspect her team was not doing well. That was confirmed with the laughter wafting up the stairs from the man cave. My husband was brave enough to text my daughter if she saw a play that did not go well for the Penguins. More vile words from the upper floor. I suspected they had an agreement that they would not watch the other’s team together so this was their only communication option.
That evening my evil super powers emerged again. I stood at the threshold of the man cave, as ordained by decree, and genuinely asked how the Flyers were doing. My husband grimaced and said, “It’s a Capitals power play.” Score! Capitals! “Not again! Get out! You’re banned for life!” I was a little distressed. Not with my husband’s reaction but with my evil super powers.
Tuesday morning my husband announced the Flyers were 0-3. He said there’s no way they could come back. I believe in miracles. Honestly, I like an underdog. I’d like to see the Flyers come back from three losses. I would definitely like to see the Flyers play the Penguins for the Stanley Cup. At my house, that would be entertainment. Yet, with my evil super powers, I think both my husband and daughter would ban me until the games were over. Humph. So much for the NHL contributing entertainment to society.
Column by Linda R. Jones