Addressing this to the editor, Chris Graham: I went back and forth about writing to you privately, but ultimately chose to respond publicly. You shared your story publicly, and it deserves to be met with that same level of courage and visibility. Though I represent the Children’s Advocacy Centers of Virginia, I am writing this as a survivor, as a fellow community member, and as someone deeply moved by your honesty.
About the Author
- Charlé McCauley is the director of communications at the Children’s Advocacy Centers of Virginia.
I have so many things I want to say to you, but here are just a few.
First, I need to thank you. Thank you for telling the raw truth about the insidiousness of child sexual abuse. Thank you for not sugarcoating it, and thank you for shedding light on an issue that plagues so many of your fellow community members. Because when it comes to child sexual abuse, it thrives in secrecy and darkness. It gets its power from silence, and it evolves systemically without dialogue. BUT every time someone like you speaks, it disrupts that system. There is no way to measure how many people saw themselves in your words, but I can promise you this: it was more than you will ever know.
ICYMI
The second thing I need to say is this: I am sorry. Not out of pity. Not because I see you as broken. But because you deserved protection, and you were not given it.
I am sorry that the people responsible for your safety caused harm instead.
I am sorry that your childhood required survival instead of allowing you to simply be a child.
I am sorry that when you found your voice, it was not met with the protection and accountability you deserved.
And I am sorry that you carry the grief of a childhood you should have had.
Lastly, and this is important. I need you to know you are not what happened to you. You are not a product of the abuse. Your father does not get credit for your resilience. He does not get credit for your discipline. He does not get credit for your career, your voice, your advocacy, or your impact. YOU BUILT THAT. There is a narrative that trauma creates strength. But the truth is, the strength was already there. Trauma doesn’t create power. It reveals it. For instance, if you strike a match to wax, it melts. But if you strike a match to something that holds energy within it, something that is capable of combustion, it ignites. And once it ignites, it transforms. It becomes a force. It becomes something that cannot be ignored.
That ignition is not because of the match. It is because of what it was always made of. You were always made of something powerful. That is the same light your grandmother saw in you as a child. What happened to you did not create that. It exposed it. And the way you have channeled that into advocacy, into storytelling, into standing up for others, that speaks volumes about your character, not your trauma.
ICYMI
- Advocates push state legislators to step up effort to protect victims of child abuse, rape
- ‘We’re denying them justice’: Virginia needs to step up to protect victims of child rape
With Child Abuse Prevention Month coming to a close, I also want to take a moment to acknowledge the 1 in 10 children who will experience sexual abuse before their 18th birthday.
I want to acknowledge the survivor who volunteers at a local children’s advocacy center as part of their healing.
I want to acknowledge the law enforcement officer who protects children because no one protected them.
I want to acknowledge the adult who goes to work every day while quietly carrying the weight of what they endured even as it reshapes the life they once knew.
I want to acknowledge the caregiver who believed their child immediately and chose to stand beside them.
I want to acknowledge the teenager who is building the courage to speak.
I want to acknowledge the adult who has not yet found the words.
And I want to acknowledge the child, right now, who is experiencing harm at the hands of someone they should be able to trust.
You are not alone.
There is help.
If you suspect child abuse or neglect, please contact the Virginia Department of Social Services’ 24-hour CPS Hotline at (800) 552-7096.
Support AFP
Share
