Last Week in Rob Schilling: Somebody wants me to be their cabana boy

Rob Schilling, the local MAGA voice of the flagship station of UVA Athletics, shared a rather odd public fantasy about me on his “Schilling Show” on WINA-1070AM on Thursday.

Seems that ol’ Rob wants me to be his comedy buddy’s “cabana boy.”

Is it just me thinking this is somehow sexual?

I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with being the object of an obviously closeted guy’s deep, personal thoughts.

And, I guess, being fair, I should be flattered, right?

I take good care of myself – daily 5K runs, push-ups, sit-ups, boxing, the rest.

I’m no Tom Cruise or anything, but I’m not a plate of cold chopped liver, either.

This just plain insane item about me being the object of MAGA radio host longing came up on the June 26 episode of “The Schilling Show,” in the recurring segment in which the host’s comedy partner cold calls in with a racist stereotype rendering of himself as George Soros, the liberal billionaire/MAGA boogeyman.

The bit, of late, has taken aim at little ol’ me, because we here at AFP started following the nonsense put out over the local airwaves via “The Schilling Show,” in the interest of letting UVA Athletics fans know what the broadcast home of their favorite sports teams is up to.

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ICYMI

• Last Week in Rob Schilling: Fake George Soros takes a shot at ‘Augusta Regress’

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Here’s how this week’s back-and-forth started:

I wanted to call because I received questions from your listeners asking, well, if Tom Perriello fails in Congress, as he may well do, to be elected this November, and I do install him as the editor of The Augusta Regress, then what happens to the current editor?

Point of critical analysis here: gotta say, if you’re going to commit to it, the real George Soros wouldn’t refer to Augusta Free Press as Augusta Regress.

Of course, and this probably goes without saying, but the real George Soros has never heard of any of us, but I digress.

If he knows who we are, thought, he’s a fan.

If you’re going to continue to play this dumb game, try to keep the logic consistent.

As far as that hypothetical of having Tom Perriello replace me as editor of AFP, which, I have to concede, I mean, if Tom’s available, I’m all for that.

Kick me upstairs, give me a fancy title, some “special project” of no real world consequence to spend my time on, and I’m sure Tom Perriello, in short order, takes AFP to the next level.

Schilling’s response to Fake George Soros replacing me as editor of AFP with Tom Perriello, and what his next job for me would be:

Well, that’s a good question. Does he become your cabana boy?

Seriously, dude.

Think about baseball, take a cold shower, whatever.

I was probably overselling myself with the stuff about running and working out.

I’m really not a catch at all.

Moving on from how repulsive I am, I’m worried that the Fake George Soros may have had a stroke live on the air as the bit went back to him.

Well, I wanted to at least offer him a gig that is commensurate with his obvious political ideology, so I’m going to offer him in the future a job with the future AOC administration. He is going to be heading up the Department of Sports Points Redistribution. So, you see, there are certain teams that, due to unfair advantage, score many more points than the opposing team, and this is due to a variety of factors that, obviously, we need to use the government power to balance the scale, so to speak. So, I will be installing him in this position, and he will be acting as the spokesperson for the experts, the professors, and government functionaries to determine who gets what excessive points from those who actually scored them, and I thought, you know, he obviously has an obsession ‘The Schilling Show,’ and I thought if he could be just as obsessed with redistributing ill-gotten points, then he will be a very happy person.

It may be time for Rob’s buddy to take the Trump intelligence test.

Which one is the giraffe, what day is it today, draw a clock with the time 11:10, the rest.

Rob’s next line in the bit:

I’m guessing this will also earn him a seat in the boardroom hot tub.

Admit it, you thought I was maybe just pushing buttons there a little bit with the lines about Rob fancying me?

Folks, I’m just reporting what he said.

First, he dreamt of me being a cabana boy, then his next thought was, me in a hot tub.

Again, not that there’s anything wrong with any of this.

There’s a reason Grindr experiences outages at CPAC and GOP political conventions.

Back to Fake George Soros:

Well, that’s questionable, OK? Perriello, all he does is, he cannot follow simple instructions, and I have to keep having my functionaries clearing the way and cleaning up the messes, but I’m assuming I’m going to start off with a fresh slate and assume that the current editor is going to have a better attitude and more competency than Perriello.

I’m going to disagree.

Tom Perriello is going to be busy for the next couple of decades representing the Fifth District in Congress, but I’d take him as editor of The Augusta Regress, er, Augusta Free Press – now they’ve got me doing it! – over me any day of the week, and twice on Sunday.

Final line from Rob Schilling:

Well, George, I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but your idea is brilliant. Thank you.

They’ve lost me here – what idea is brilliant?

Fake George Soros talked himself out of replacing me as editor, and assumes I’m just going to have a better attitude.

I’ve got a terrible attitude right now.

Mainly because, I’m not gay, but if I were, I could do a lot better than Rob Schilling.