Duke, K.J. Maura: Hilarious!

I understated it in the headline: it’s actually beyond hilarious that K.J. Maura, the former UMBC point guard, will be in attendance when UVA plays Duke in Cameron on Jan. 19, for several reasons.

One, that it took a GoFundMe campaign from a Duke senior to get Maura, now playing professional basketball in Puerto Rico, to the game.

A couple of things to unwind from that. GoFundMe? I thought the Duke kids were supposed to be trust-fund scions, the best and brightest, the power elite.

Schlepping online for $555 tells us something else.

They must have more in common with the public-school kids than we had otherwise been led to believe.

Two, poor K.J. Maura. I mean, literally, poor K.J. Maura.

Dude can’t afford the $555 himself, which isn’t a good message to those aspiring to play professionally in Puerto Rico.

Also: what, no honorarium for K.J.? Seriously, take the guy out for a slice of pizza and a beer and slip him a twenty on his way back to the airport.

Guy clearly can use whatever you can throw his way.

OK, next, two, on the list of hilarious things with this story: the Dookies must feel threatened.

Credit to them for being the smart kids, if not as well-heeled, they’re supposed to be.

North Carolina isn’t the big rival anymore. In the last five years, UVA has won the ACC regular season three times and the ACC Tournament twice.

Carolina has two ACC regular-season titles and one ACC Tournament title in that span. Duke has one ACC Tournament championship (in 2017), with the other going to Notre Dame (in 2015).

UVA kids reading this column, let that be a lesson to you. Props for switching out the misogyny from The Good Ol’ Song with the battle cry, “F–k Tech,” but maybe set your sights a little higher in the future.

Three, in terms of self-owns, this K.J. Maura thing has to be top five in recent memory.

So, yes, the gag here is that Maura scored 10 points in UMBC’s win over UVA in the 2018 NCAA Tournament.

And now, because of the industriousness of the Duke kids, he’ll be on hand to watch UVA play Duke.

Trivia question: how many points did point guard Trevon Duval score in Duke’s win over Virginia last year?

Note: Duval, sadly, won’t be available for a return trip to Cameron to commemorate getting faked out of his jock strap on this three by Ty Jerome last January, because his G-League team has a game on Jan. 19.

Though, you never know, maybe another GoFundMe could get him to think about skipping that scintillating Wisconsin Herd-Capital City Go-Go battle to the death for a night to reminisce. G-League salary, per-diem and an Uber from D.C. oughta go for about $200, at most.

(Most of that going to the Uber driver. Who may or may not bear a striking resemblance to Jahlil Okafor. That semester of classes Duke, really paying off.)

Column by Chris Graham