Time to break the fourth wall here, since the secret about George Soros funneling money to people to get us Democrat types to go to the Antifa Anti-Trump Pro-Terrorist Rallies is already long since out.
Yep, I’m on the payroll.
Have been for a while now.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not f**k you money or anything, but it spends.
And, of course, since it comes from George Soros, you have the option to convert the money – no, not into crypto; that’s for the MAGAs – into carbon offsets.
You know, so that you can jet to, for example, Paris, for lunch and not feel guilty about contributing another tenth of a degree Celsius to our inevitable global demise.
That’s how we Antifa Anti-Trump Pro-Terrorists roll.
After my last flight back and forth to Milan – authentic Italian food, with no climate-change regrets – I still had a little money left over.
I’m thinking about saving up for a pimped-out e-bike with a pedal-powered sound system rocking a playlist curated by a group of Portland ICE protestors dressed up as farm animals.
Only problem there: I mean, aren’t those inflatable costumes made of nylon or polyester?
Like, we need to think about the environment here.
Anyway.
I have some ideas for what to do with the money that Mr. Soros, my Antifa Anti-Trump Pro-Terrorist homie, is going to be putting into my bank account for hitting the mean streets of Downtown Staunton this coming weekend to protest Donald Trump.
1. Donate the money to Planned Parenthood in my mother-in-laws’ names.
Bahahahaha.
ICYMI
2. Hire a group of DJs to help me put on a thumping weekend Bad Bunny music festival in my backyard, which is two backyards down from the MAGA militia couple with the Trump signs in their front yard who told people in a group chat that they had designs on “getting even” with me.
Over/under on how long it takes them to call ICE on me: one song.
ICYMI
- I played an unwitting important role in ProPublica’s ‘The Militia and the Mole’
- Bad Bunny, not worried about ICE at Super Bowl, announced as halftime show headliner
3. Speaker’s fee for Pete Buttigieg; drag him with me to a Waynesboro City Council meeting; sign him up to speak under “Citizen Comments”; point him in the direction of Jim Wood.
And let the sparks fly.
ICYMI
4. Buy WINA.
To replace all the MAGA programming with reruns of The Smothers Brothers.
(Oldsters will understand the reference.)
ICYMI
5. Buy the local golf course.
And shut it down.
Immediately.
And very publicly.
In our case, that’s 162 acres that could provide for a sh*t ton of affordable housing.
That doing this pisses off a whole host of old-fart MAGA a**holes, so much the better.
ICYMI
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Chris Graham
