You might have read about the sports columnist in Georgia who missed badly trying to explain baseball to women.
As a sportswriter myself, though, I actually think it’s a good idea, even if this particular one was a bit poorly executed.
I mean, we need to do something, anything, to grow our fan base.
In the interest of trying to right a wrong, here’s a partial transcript from a recent discussion my wife and I had, watching a Nats game.
Me, mansplainin’ the national pastime.
(Sniff.) Take notes, fellas.
This should be good.
Here goes …
CRYSTAL: They need to get the bullpen up.
CHRIS: Yeah. He’s losing it. Might be out of gas.
CRYSTAL: He does have pitcher hair.
(Note to readers: “Pitcher hair” is the long hair sticking out from the back of the cap, visible from the center-field camera. Most pitchers have it. Pay attention next time you watch. You won’t be able to unsee it now. I had totally never noticed this until my wife pointed it out.)
CHRIS: That’s actually good pitcher hair.
(The hitter fouls a bunt attempt.)
CRYSTAL: I hate the bunt.
CHRIS: I know that you hate the bunt.
CRYSTAL: I just don’t understand why you give up an out like that.
(Note to readers: Crystal is a sabremetrician.)
CHRIS: He’s trying to get the runner into scoring position.
CRYSTAL: It makes no sense. This pitcher is all over the place.
CHRIS: Yeah. At least take a pitch.
(The batter takes a ball.)
CRYSTAL: Don’t help the guy out.
(The pitcher throws to first. Runner back safely.)
CRYSTAL: Looks like the bunt is off.
(The batter didn’t flinch. That’s why the pitcher threw to first. To see if the bunt was still on.)
CHRIS: They must have heard you about the bunt.
CRYSTAL: You only get so many outs in an inning.
(The catcher calls time, runs to the mound, to go over the next pitch with the pitcher. The TV broadcast cuts from the two talking in front of the mound to a shot of the crowd. It’s Bark at the Park Night. Cute dogs all over the place.)
CHRIS: That dog is wearing a little Nats hat! That’s awesome!
Yeah. (Sniff.) I think my work here is done.
I think the little ladies have learned all they can today.
Tomorrow, Crystal and I debate the designated hitter, intentional walks and the infield-fly rule, as I get distracted by walk-up music. Stay tuned.
Column by Chris Graham
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