When two people walk down the aisle, exchange vows, and say “I do,” the last thing on their minds is divorce. But that’s how far too many unions end — and divorces can get messy.
In addition to the legal and financial questions that estranged couples must grapple with, they also need to deal with a roller coaster of emotions. Every divorce is as unique as the parties in the marriage, but there are some common factors often at the root of disagreements.
When people understand when and how disagreement can rear its ugly head, they can better deal with the issues. No one can completely avoid disagreements. But knowing how to deal with them correctly can ease stress and facilitate a more orderly divorce process.
Here are five sources of conflict in divorces and ways to address them effectively.
1. Child custody and parenting plan
Couples with kids often have difficulty reaching mutually agreeable decisions about the children. Areas of disagreement may include issues like the following:
- Parenting time and schedule
- Holiday arrangements
- Education
- Health care and medical insurance
- Communication rules
- Relocations of children
Since both parents think that they know what’s best for the children, it’s natural that they might initially butt heads — figuratively speaking. Co-parenting is hard work, but two committed parents can, even if pursuing a divorce, come together and do what’s best for their kids.
Focusing on the best interests of the children can help solve many problems. Cooperation and compromise usually lead to a good parenting plan.
If it is difficult to reach compromises, structured discussions or mediation can help parents find a solution. Hiring a divorce attorney can help when people want to make decisions in their children’s best interests. That can be difficult in the heat of the moment, but a lawyer can be a calming presence, helping people make good choices based on reason rather than emotion.
2. Division of property and assets
Division of property is another frequent source of conflict in divorce situations. Disagreements may appear due to things like the following:
- Family home
- Vehicles
- Retirement savings
- Investments
- Personal belongings
- Business interests
Often, the principal parties have emotional attachments to property and assets, which can make the discussions difficult. That’s especially true when neither party wants to back down.
When dividing property and assets, it’s useful to consider not only emotions but also the financial and practical aspects.
3. Financial issues
Financial disagreements are often the main area of conflict during the divorce process.
Examples of financial issues include housing expenses, debts, child-related costs, spousal support, and future financial commitments. Divorce often causes financial uncertainty. If major life changes are anticipated, financial issues will become even more complicated.
Honesty is the best policy when divorcing parties are discussing financial matters. Openly sharing information about income, expenses, assets, and liabilities will make discussions more constructive.
4. Communication difficulties
When communication breaks down, everything gets harder. Unfortunately, during the divorce period, the quality of communication — or lack thereof — usually worsens.
Typical issues include misunderstandings, emotional reactions, an unwillingness to communicate, growing conflicts, and false assumptions. When communication becomes difficult, even small problems can escalate and turn into major issues.
It’s possible to use the following strategies to facilitate better communication:
- Focusing on particular issues
- Avoiding personal attacks
- Listening
- Using written communication rather than face-to-face communication
By adopting a respectful tone, divorcing couples can avoid many unnecessary escalations and move forward during negotiations. Working with a lawyer is a good way to communicate since a legal professional can sometimes speak on the client’s behalf. That can be a godsend if estranged couples are barely on speaking terms and can’t stand to be in the same space.
5. Concerns about the future
Divorce often brings uncertainty about the future. Questions regarding living situations, finances, jobs, schools for children, and many other things can bring stress and trigger disagreements. Some examples of future concerns on the heels of a divorce include the following:
- Living arrangements
- New career plan
- Education for children
- Financial goals
- Parenting and custody issues
Uncertainty about the future may make people more protective and less ready to compromise.
But this can be overcome by recognizing that uncertainty is a part of the process. It’s not necessary to try to predict the future. Instead, it’s better to set some realistic goals and plans.
Creating practical plans will give people more confidence about the future. The more people prepare for the future, the easier it’ll be to handle situations.
During the divorce process, people may face many different problems and emotional issues.
Even though disagreements are inevitable, how they’re dealt with can make all the difference.
Every divorce is unique and requires a different approach, but knowing the typical issues will help people prepare better and get through the process in one piece. Using long-term goals and practical solutions will make it easier to overcome difficulties.
This content is provided for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. AFP editorial staff were not involved in the creation of this content.
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