Donald Trump, who is north of 300 pounds with cankles, is bringing back the Presidential Fitness Test for kids, because of course he is, and he marked the occasion at the White House on Thursday with a guy who was convicted for having sex with a 16-year-old, because of course he would do that.
“Lawrence, wanna say a few words? Come on up,” Trump said, by way of calling Lawrence Taylor to the podium, so that the registered sex offender could give his blessing to the return of the fitness test, which was discontinued in 2013, in favor of a new Presidential Youth Fitness Program.
Taylor is an NFL Hall of Fame linebacker; he’s also a convicted pedo, the fallout from a 2010 arrest for the statutory rape of a teen runaway, who was being trafficked by a 36-year-old pimp, Rasheed Davis, who beat the girl, drove her to a hotel and told her to have sex with Taylor.
Taylor gave the girl $300 for the sex act, which she then gave to Davis.
That’s the definition of underage sex trafficking.
Taylor’s defense: “She told me she was 19.”
Like other celebrities who get caught diddling kids, Taylor didn’t have to serve jail time.
ICYMI
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Adds up, that Trump, who complained this week about another sex trafficker, Jeffrey Epstein, “stole” a 16-year-old spa employee from him in 2000, would have a sex offender on the stage with him for an event involving kids.
It’s also funny that Taylor didn’t seem clued in to why he was there for the event.
“I don’t know what we’re supposed to be doing, but I’m here to serve, and I’m here to serve you, OK, so I’m gonna do the best I can for as long as I can. Thank you very much,” Taylor said, sheepishly, before scurrying back to the background, as Trump, in jock-sniffing mode, declared, “nobody like him.”
Also on the stage with Trump was Harrison Butker, the alpha male NFL guy, wait, checking notes here, Butker is actually just a placekicker.
Anyway, we only know about this Butker guy, aside from the occasional missed field goal, for the commencement address he delivered at a Kansas college last year in which he denounced abortion rights, Pride Month, COVID-19 lockdowns and “the tyranny of diversity, equity and inclusion.”
“Just excited to do my part to help make America healthy again, to help our youth be healthy and thrive and grow up and be great citizens of this country, and be great family members, and contribute to this great country, and I think you have to be strong in mind and body and soul, so thank you so much for allowing me to be here,” Butker said.
He got a day off from training camp for this?
Wait, that’s right, he’s just a placekicker.
“You’re a handsome guy, by the way,” Trump told Butker as he made his way back to the MAGA pack.
“It’s usually not my thing,” Trump continued gushing, “but he is a good-looking sucker.”
This, from the guy who couldn’t get enough of telling us last year how big Arnold Palmer’s, you know, driver was.
Also on the dais for the event: Triple H of WWE fame, who, is himself, squeaky-clean, aside from years of using the juice, anyway, though it should be noted that his in-laws are Vince and Linda McMahon, who are facing a lawsuit that alleges they turned a blind eye to years of child sex abuse by a WWF employee in the 1980s and 1990s.
Vince McMahon is also facing a suit from a former WWE employee alleging years of sexual abuse and sex trafficking, which was filed in the wake of the disclosure of millions of dollars in payments made by McMahon to women who had accused him of sexual misconduct.
That disclosure led to McMahon’s departure from WWE in 2024.
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