Whoever is responsible for turning off the escalator at the UN Wednesday morning just as the 330-pound Donald Trump was arriving for his speech, chef’s kiss.
“All I got from the United Nations was an escalator that on the way up stopped right in the middle. If the First Lady wasn’t in great shape, she would have fallen, but she’s in great shape,” said Trump, who, at 79, is at least 150 pounds overweight, and has cankles and brown spots on his hands, is not in great shape.
Beset by the bad escalator, and a bad teleprompter – I’m old enough to remember him going off with regularity on the campaign trail last year about how Kamala Harris and Joe Biden were lost without their teleprompters – Trump proceeded to embarrass himself and the United States with a rambling speech that was all about him being right about everything, and everybody else being dumb.
Trump, who has claimed in recent weeks to have ended as many as 10 wars since taking the oath of office in January, settled on the number seven today, and complained that he “never even received a phone call from the United Nations offering to help in finalizing the deals.”
Maybe that’s because he has ended exactly zero wars this year, or ever – and the one that he swore up and down on the campaign trail last year he would end on “Day 1,” the Russian invasion of Ukraine, is very much still ongoing.
ICYMI
“What is the purpose of the United Nations?” Trump said, and you wouldn’t be hard-pressed to think he wasn’t asking a rhetorical question there, given his stunning lack of knowledge on anything outside of golf and how to spell the name Trump.
“At least for now, all they seem to do is write a really strongly worded letter, and then never follow that letter up. It’s empty words, and empty words don’t solve war. The only thing that solves war and wars is action,” said Trump, who, really, he did in fact say those words, and in that order – oblivious to his utter failures with respect to getting his buddy Vladimir Putin to get out of Ukraine, despite Trump sending him strongly worded letters, and then never following up.
You know what’s coming next.
“Everyone says that I should get the Nobel Peace Prize for each one of these achievements,” Trump said, by “everyone” meaning, “no one” – no one outside of Trump thinks he should even get the prize from a box of Cracker Jacks for his “achievements” in not ending a single war.
Not that he actually wants to win the Nobel.
“What I care about is not winning prizes, it’s saving lives,” Trump read from his teleprompter, and, as our latest proof that there is no god, lightning didn’t strike him on the dais as he said those lying words out loud.
No divine intervention meant Trump was able to continue on, carrying water for the fossil-fuel billionaires who funded his three presidential campaigns with attacks on green energy, blaming all of the West’s ills on immigrants, because that’s what he does.
There was an awkward aside during the immigrant rant about women being “raped, horribly beaten, raped,” which online observers noted he made as he stood literally less than a mile from the department store where a New York City jury said he sexually assaulted writer E. Jean Carroll 30 years ago.
ICYMI
A favorite part for me, and what I’ll end with, is Trump, being Trump, getting his pound of flesh, over having been passed over when the UN was looking for a developer to handle the renovation of its New York headquarters.
“I realized that they did not know what they were doing when it came to construction, and that their building concepts were so wrong, and the product that they were proposing to build was so bad and so costly,” Trump said, pointing to cost overruns on the project, and adding the UN “did not even get the marble floors that I promised them.”
It’s not known that Trump was even taken seriously as a builder by the UN as it was working through the renovation project that began in 2005 – Trump was on his fifth business bankruptcy by 2005, with one more to come, in 2009, totaling $7.1 billion in debts.
ICYMI
You wouldn’t fault the UN folks for not wanting to engage a big failure like Trump to handle its renovation.
It’s widely known that he launched his first run for president because he needed the money; more proof that there is no god is that he won.
But there is hope for the faithful.
The hope: that escalator.
An escalator stopping mid-floor isn’t a plague of locusts, but it’s … something.
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Chris Graham
