Donald Trump nominated a Fox News weekend host named Pete Hegseth to be his Secretary of Defense, because of course this is what a game show host that we elected president for a second time would do.
Funny how we were all worried about him following the Project 2025 blueprint in his second term.
Seems that we maybe should have been paying closer attention to “Project Runway.”
Here are some of the B, C and Z List favorites for his other Cabinet posts:
- State: He’s already tapped “Little” Marco Rubio for this one, which is probably better than his gut instinct, which was Keri Russell from “The Diplomat.” His buddy Vladimir was pushing for the Keri Russell from “The Americans.”
- Director of National Intelligence: The guy from “The Americans.”
- Attorney General: Roy Cohn is dead. He’s still stuck on Roy Cohn. Can they dig up Roy Cohn?
- Homeland Security: Kristi Noem is the pick here, more because she swayed with The Trumper for 39 minutes during his on-stage seizure at that Pennsylvania rally than that she shot her puppy in the face, which tells us can’t control a puppy, much less a 2,000-mile long border. The backup, in case the Senate does an “Old Yeller” to the Noem nomination: obviously, Claire Danes.
- Education: Moot. They’re eliminating Education. The department, and the concept.
- Energy: Who has more energy than Trump? (Teleprompter note: Wait for applause and forced laughter. Don’t read this part out loud.)
- Treasury: He wants to appoint himself here, because of all the money that he made (not much; declared bankruptcy six times) with his daddy’s money (ol’ Fred Trump would have been better off burying the family money in the backyard). Backup plan: Maria Bartiromo, but it’s been 25 years since she’s been a money honey, so she’s going to need a boob job and a regimen of Botox.
- Commerce: I’m not even trying to be funny in suggesting that Trump goes with former WWE CEO Linda McMahon, though it does give me the excuse to remind the world that The Donald actually thought the WWE “Raw” storyline angle that had Vince McMahon blowing up in a limo was real, because that reminds us that The Donald isn’t all that bright.
- Labor: The Teamsters guy, Sean O’Whatever-His-Name-Is.
- Health and Human Services: Drs. Oz and Phil, no time limit, two out of three falls, live on pay-per-view.
- Housing and Urban Development: His preference, as with Treasury, would be himself, because of all the big buildings (like, one) that he built as a real estate developer. If he can’t get the Senate to go along, Ty Pennington from “Trading Spaces” isn’t doing much these days.
- Interior: Kevin Costner was the leader in the clubhouse until he had something nice to say the other day about Liz Cheney. Ty Pennington could pull double duty here, if needed.
- Transportation: Former truck driver and MAGA chode Jason Aldean.
- Veterans Affairs: That guy from the Wounded Warrior commercials that used to be on “Major Dad.”
- Agriculture: Oliver Wendell Douglas. (Trump got bored the other night watching “Hannity,” flipped over to “Green Acres” on MeTV, and, well, you know, it happens.)
- Fluffer: Lindsey Graham. These meetings go on forever.
Share
Chris Graham
