‘Trans people are just trying to be people’: A youth’s journey from she to he

Transgender is defined as any individual whose identity or gender does not correspond with the gender they were assigned at birth.

A trans youth living in Staunton who asked to remain anonymous with the letter F came out to his parents in March 2021.

“I started questioning my gender in December 2020,” F said.

Although F grew up as what he called “a masculine girl” playing sports, he did not know at the time that his experience with gender was not normal. He did not talk about it because he thought he would get in trouble although he knew his parents were not transphobic and would be accepting.

“Everyone just assumed that I was a lesbian,” F said of growing up in Florida.

F said his parents did not raise him with strict gender norms, so he was able to be a tomboy. Later, he learned that his body was producing high levels of testosterone.

In 2020, attending school virtually at home, not distracted by going to school in person, F became depressed.

“I literally have no memories of 2021 because that’s how dark it was,” he said.

A friend had a cousin who used the pronouns they and them.

“I knew trans people were out there,” he said. But he had never met a trans person or considered becoming trans.

F went from using she and her to she and them, and then back to she and her.

“I had never really considered being a guy,” he said.

Then, he thought about what name he would want if he were a guy, and dreamed about being a guy. In the dream he had a beard, and, afterward, went by the name James for a while.

F experienced bullying and negativity in Florida for pursuing a journey to become transgender. But, after he and his parents moved to Staunton in May 2021, he felt the community was more accepting. Since leaving Florida, several laws have been enacted that would have encouraged the family to leave anyway.

“I would not have been allowed to exist in that,” F said of Florida.

He began hormones more than a year ago and also had top surgery at UVA to become a guy. He was able to have surgery with parental consent and letters from his therapist and psychiatrist stating how the surgery would make his life better.

“I fully became a different person,” he said.

Now more at peace, F no longer hates himself and is no longer depressed.

“I have never been happier,” he said.

F said he thinks the community in Staunton has more respect for others. In October 2022, he attended his first PRIDE event, which was held in Staunton.

“My parents allowing me anything as basic as cutting my hair shorter,” the 16-year-old said of what led him on his journey.

Finding health care providers in the Valley who listen and give care to a trans youth has also helped F.

“I really haven’t met anyone since we’ve been here who has been outwardly transphobic,” F said.

F said he would like for others to understand that healthcare professionals do not think children do not understand what is happening if they take hormone blockers or other steps to become trans. And children will not regret their decisions. Healthcare professionals are not forcing them to make decisions.

Statistically, that is untrue, and hormone blockers are not permanent. At any time, an individual can stop taking them.

“I probably would not be alive today,” F said if he had not taken hormone blockers.

He said he would also like for others to understand that parents allowing their children to become transgender is not child abuse or pedophilia. Abuse is if a parent does not allow a child to live as who they are.

Genital mutilation is also factually incorrect. F said he does not know anyone under age 18 who has had genital surgery.

Hypocrisy surrounds transgender. Hormone blockers were invented for use by cisgender individuals with health issues, not for trans but they also help trans youth.

Right now, F said, trans people and drag queens are in the “wheel of hate,” a term his father uses to describe society’s frequent changing of who they criticize and fear.

Trans people are not pedophiles and are not grooming children for pedophilia.

F said that trans people have helped him learn to be who he is today.

“Trans people are just trying to be people,” F said.