Enthralled with the majestic surroundings on a recent Washington, D.C., trip, I was inhaling the experience as my husband, Dan, and I walked to a lunch destination a few blocks from the White House. A flawless weather day, the outdoor cafes were thriving with suited men and women.
Then it happened as unexpectently as August snow. I found myself sprawled on the sidewalk in front of a brimming sidewalk eatery, having tripped on cement nudged by expanding roots of an old oak. First startled, then embarrassed, and finally concerned about the pain in my knee, I was grateful for my husband’s strong and gentle arms to help me up.
I’m often grateful to him. He does that. He helps me up when I fall. But most of my falls aren’t so public or physical. They’re disguised as disappointment, frustration, setback, worry, stress, and fear. When my laptop falters and frustration-venom pours from my mouth, or when anguish envelops my spirit as my demented mother glides further away, or when my dreams stall as rejections fuel self-depleting thoughts, his support and pragmatic words help me stand again.
So as we celebrate 34 years of marriage this month, I don’t need roses to tell me what his everyday actions proclaim. Taking my hand on a quiet walk, holding the door, watching sappy movies I like, putting gas in my car, making a special trip to warm-up a winter cabin for the weekend, rearranging his schedule to travel with me, or writing affectionate notes, this man who took my last name as his middle name so many years ago, shows me every day by his actions that I am loved. What more could I ever want?
As years have changed the color of my hair, contentment fills my heart. I am humbled by this every day love that nourishes me. It’s that love that makes me feel aligned with these words from a catalog sampler I stumbled upon, “Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want but the realization of how much you already have.”
In the scheme of things, I have so much. It’s there every day. In our years together, I’ve come to understand it’s not the big things, but the little things that sustain and deepen our love. Love is in the hugs and smiles and gifts of time. It’s in his gentle morning wake-up that displaces my alarm. It’s in the difficult moments, shared experiences, and ongoing struggles. And it’s in the talking and sharing of life’s disappointments as well as its joys.
What I’ve learned is this: love unfolds every day through the everyday acts of living; the regular stuff from paying bills to raising a family to getting through life’s challenges. I’m humbled and privileged to share my life with a remarkable man whose actions speak his heart.
Author of Hitting Your Stride: Your Work, Your Way (Capital Books; January 2008), and host of “Work Matters with Nan Russell” weekly on www.webtalkradio.net, Nan Russell has spent over 20 years in management, most recently with QVC as a vice president. Sign up to receive Nan’s “Winning at Working” tips and insights at www.nanrussell.com.
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