Fa-a-a-a-t

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham
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I haven’t been eating out as much lately. Which is to say, I haven’t been eating out for lunch and dinner four or five days a week.

And yes, I realize that this is contributing to the economic downturn that we’ve been dealing with here lately. And I apologize for that.

I had to do it, though. Because I had an epiphany not too long ago.

The epiphany: “I’m getting fa-a-a-a-t.”

It came in the form of the new bathroom scale that the missus picked up at a yard sale a few weeks back.

It’s digital, so I can’t cheat it by leaning to the left to have the little pointer read me as being five pounds lighter than I am. If I try that on this scale, it reads back Err (meaning “Error,” I think, though it could just be engrossed in deep thought and thus rendered speechless) and makes me try again.

So I stepped on this bad boy the day that we got it, and …

Ugh. I weighed 249 pounds.

Needless to say, that’s a bit heavy for those of us in the world who don’t either try to sack quarterbacks or prevent the same.

I’ve been working out a bit harder of late, running and biking and kickboxing and the rest. And then I started cutting back on the eating out.

I’m down to 236 as of this morning, which still has me in the range of sacking QBs or blocking for them. Except now that I’m more linebacker-fullback size.

My goal is to get down to the 215 range. I’d be a safety or tailback then, just a lot slower.

I just hope the economy is able to adjust to the long-term hit to the markets since my supply and demand are so fundamentally different.