And if you see her today, tell her ‘Happy Birthday’

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham
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Tell me how lucky I am …
I was a confirmed bachelor, and by that I mean that I was 27, the dating pool around here seemed shallow to the point of being dusty, and I had all but resigned myself to a lifetime of being a well-dressed, neat, intelligent young man that everybody assumed was only single because he was closet gay.
And then I meet a stunningly beautiful – striking, fetching, breathtaking, even – young woman who not only was magnanimous enough to agree to accompany me on a soiree without me having to pretend that I might know something that I could use to blackmail her into doing so, but then she said “of course” when I asked for her hand in marriage several months later.
And this was only the beginning of my journey.

She didn’t back out on her promise to wed, and didn’t run away kicking and screaming when I convinced her that what we really needed to do in life was quit our jobs and start our own media company with nothing more than her good looks and my base stupidity that we could make something of ourselves given five years to try it.
So now here we are, successful beyond even what I had thought was possible in business, and now people look at me and think that I must have cashed in because of this trophy wife that I have hanging on my arm who as recently as a year ago was still getting carded when we ordered drinks at a restaurant out of town.
If you’d look at her, you’d swear she was maybe 25 at most. But if you’ve ever worked with her, and know how danged smart she is, you’d swear she was 45, and that she was a wise 45 at that.

And she doesn’t just pretend to like sports. No, sir, ree – she watches them with me, and when I’m gone, she keeps up so she can discuss them with me when I get back.

And then there’s this new kick that she got on recently – reading the Harry Potter series from start to finish is one of her goals for the year.
I pick on her about that one incessantly, and she has yet to punch me over it – and those of you who read this column regularly know that I probably deserve it, based on how anal I can be when it comes to these kinds of things.

So she’s a big kid at heart, she likes sports, she’s old and young for her age at the same time, she’s a knockout who makes me weak at the knees every time I see her.
And for some reason, and I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to figure this one out, she absolutely adores me.

Tell me how lucky I am …
And if you see her today, tell her ‘Happy Birthday’.

Chris Graham is the executive editor of The Augusta Free Press.