The news items that we’ve been seeing about FBI Director Kash Patel and bestiality had to be, I assumed, when I first saw them, somebody just messing with us.
They weren’t.
“We did not want to punish victims of bestiality, victims who were trafficked,” Patel actually said, out loud, at a U.S. Senate hearing on Tuesday, in the course of defending an actual policy change that he has enacted at the FBI that removes sex with animals as an automatic disqualifier for FBI job applicants.
Nope, going forward, animal sex will be considered, by the HR folks at the FBI, on a case-by-case basis.
And, no, I’m not making this up.
Let’s take a minute to process this development, maybe with some help from U.S. Sen. John Kennedy, R-La.
“Why would you even get into bestiality?” Kennedy asked Patel at Tuesday’s hearing, and you know he said it that way quite intentionally, to get Patel what he had to say in response.
“We are not into bestiality,” the director was forced to respond.
Gotcha, right?
At this stage, of course, you’ve seen the images posted on the web of Patel in bed with various animals.
None are real. As far as I can tell.
Kennedy, for his part, was far from being done with this thing.
“If Joe participated in bestiality, not as animal, but as the human, don’t you think he ought to be disqualified?” he asked.
Note: the senator is setting up a callback here.
“If he voluntarily did it, sure. But if he was trafficked into it,” Patel said, letting the sentence trail off.
Kennedy asked next how a person would “involuntarily” engage in bestiality; Patel responded that human traffickers force people into “degrading acts of all kinds” in “a lot of cases.”
Looking into this part matter forced me to try some Google searches to get data on “human trafficker forced bestiality”; not surprisingly, there is no data.
And now, good news for me, if I’m ever accused of a crime, and investigators get a warrant for my Google search history, I’m in big trouble.
Among other things, I may not be considered a good candidate to work at the FBI.
Anyway, the best I can get to anything authoritative on “forced bestiality” is this from Google AI:
Systematic data on human traffickers forcing victims into bestiality is extremely limited, as public health organizations, law enforcement agencies, and global human trafficking registries rarely track this specific variable independently.
So, no data, but the FBI nonetheless thought the old policy on bestiality was limiting the pool of job applicants.
You know, that people who claim to have been “forced” into engaging in acts of bestiality had been prohibited from applying.
Like a sheep with whom an applicant has been intimate with is going to provide damning testimony when the agents tasked with vetting the job-seeker claiming to have been “forced” into bestiality ask the question.
Back to Patel: the previous policy at the FBI, the director testified, addressed prostitution, trafficking and bestiality, and for bestiality, the rules, per Patel, “automatically disqualified any individual who participated on either side of it.”
“Either side of what? The bestiality?” Kennedy asked.
Here’s the callback.
“So, you disqualified the animal?”
I wish I was making this up.
“Well, I don’t think, we have great canines, but we’re not going to disqualify them,” Patel said.
What the director is saying there: they wouldn’t disqualify a bomb-sniffing dog.
You know, for being on, ahem, the other side of bestiality.
Seems fair.
Folks, everything I’m telling you here actually happened.
Let’s go back to Sen. Kennedy, to try to put what we’ve learned into a tidy box.
“You’re not telling us today that if a human being had sex with an animal, that they can still be an FBI agent, are you? They can’t, can they?” Kennedy asked.
“They cannot,” Patel responded.
But, but, but – this whole policy change says the exact opposite!
What Patel has done here is give dudes into animal sex who want to be FBI agents an out – just claim they were forced into it, and they’re good to go.
We’re thisclose to an applicant claiming, Come on, look at that pot-bellied pig, he was practically asking for it …
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Chris Graham
