Column by Linda R. Jones
Every Sunday, while I was living in Germany or on vacation, we went to my family’s cemetery plot. We picked weeds and watered the flowers and shrubbery. Only fresh or cut flowers could be displayed in vases. I can still walk the path from my grandparents’ house to the cemetery and the family plot in my mind. I enjoyed those trips.
Unlike in the United States, in Germany you can only lease a family plot for 25 years and then request to have it renewed. If there is no request or there are no surviving family members, the plot is overturned. It’s simply because they don’t have the amount of land we have here. Historically, both the Catholic and Protestant Churches did not allow cremation which caused a serious burden on the land as well. That has changed. Cremation is allowed by the churches now.
In my early years, my father said he wanted to be buried in our family plot in Germany. I remember being anxious as a child wondering how I would get to the plot to care for it. My father changed his mind a few years later and said he was an American and wanted to be buried here. He bought a plot on Long Island for his wife and himself. After the lie of 1989, his decision was sealed.
I last visited the family plot in the early 1990’s. I have a picture of my daughter when she was three carefully watering the flowers over my Oma’s side. I smiled. How I wished my Oma could have met my daughter. I loved my Oma. I was such a rough and nasty little kid. She was a tough yet kind woman. I thought she was smiling down upon us that day.
When my father’s oldest sister died, the plot was due for renewal. The next generation had the choice to make. They chose against renewal. The Americans in my family were most distraught. This was all we had left of our heritage. My father and aunt offered to pay for the lease and maintenance which is quite costly. The plot was overturned. It’s gone.
Besides losing the site of my grandparents and great-grandparents, I was most disturbed by the loss of the site for my uncle, Rolf, who was killed in action on March 5, 1945. Germany surrendered on May 7, 1945. It must be my own military background and seeing my grandparents never recovering from the loss of their oldest child. He deserves to be remembered. I don’t know if his casket was moved to a military cemetery. I don’t even know if there’s a marker for him.
Germany has had a War Graves Commission since 1919. Its motto is “Arbeit für den Frieden” (work for peace). Their mission is to care for all casualties of war and “preservation of the memory to the sacrifices of war and despotism.” The Commission even cares for German cemeteries across Europe, Russia, and North Africa.
I’m waiting to hear from my cousin’s daughter as to what became of my fallen uncle’s remains. She’s the generation after me and didn’t get caught up in the tension. There is no need for me to fester over what is gone. I can get answers. Maybe Rolf’s remains were placed in a public military cemetery. If not, I will contact the War Graves Commission and request a marker be placed in his honor. I can even duplicate the markers of my family’s plot and put it here in the United States. In the United States, I can do what I wish with my heritage without extending a lease or getting approval from family members.
I’m glad my father decided to stay in the United States. But, he really stayed! After the grand finale lie of 2007, he told his cousin he did not want to be buried on Long Island. He only told her he lives in sunny Florida now. He never made it clear what he wanted done with his remains. So, his remains remain in my parlor until the family figures out what he really would have wanted.
My healing journey continues. Join me. Tell me about your heritage and ancestors. Let’s visit their memorials and honor them.
(Henry Alfred Rudolph. Born April 2, 1930. Died March 2, 2015.)
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