Valley Blue Dog: Republican Tricks, Democratic Treats!

Column by Steven Sisson

Halloween is a time for dressing up in a costume and wearing a mask and having fun. But grownups wear masks, too, especially politicians, and more than ever Republicans are masking the truth behind their agenda.

According to nationwide polls, 70 percent of leaders can’t be trusted. The Blue Dog says it’s time to take off the Halloween mask with these lackluster politicians and conservatives. No more play-acting. Remove the actors mask and be yourself, I say.

George Bush mask: Republican Presidential nominee John McCain, who voted with President George Bush 90 percent of the time and supported a failed war policy in the Middle East.

Goodbye George, err … I meant to say goodbye John McCain. ‘Nuff said.

Anita Bryant mask: Republican VP nominee Sarah Palin, another ex-Beauty Queen and Diva, who espouses right-wing ideology and hatemongering while professing to be a practicing Christian with a “Do as I Say, Not as I Do” way of lifestyle.

The Blue Dog has more foreign-affairs experience than an Eskimo Barbie who can’t practice what she preaches at home or abroad.

Elmer Gantry mask: Ted Haggard, the former head of the National Association of Evangelists, who resigned after admitting to paying for methamphetamines and sex with a male prostitute, while at the same time speaking out against homosexuals and lesbians at the pulpit.

Massage, temptation, sex, cure and redemption … say what? Haggard claims he is now “completely heterosexual” and “same-sex attraction is not an orientation.”

Thanks for the quotes, Teddy, but you’re wrong as the day is long, because God loves all his children no matter.

Herbert Hoover mask: Republican Virginia Senate nominee Jim Gilmore, who underestimated the personal-property car tax-refunds, which in turn placed the Commonwealth of Virginia and local governments into a cycle of unending debt.

Better head down the rabbit hole, Big Jim! Because Virginia Democrat and populist ex-governor Mark Warner will win the Senate election with a slam-dunk landslide!

“On the Waterfront” Marlon Brando mask: Republican

President George Bush, who coulda been a contender had he not fixed the war in Iraq by claiming the country had weapons of mass destruction instead of hunting down Osama bin Laden. After her TV commercial blooper-boop, Libby Dole is singing “Don’t take my Boop-Oop-A-Doop Away,” err … I meant to her North Carolina Senate seat.

Pogo the Possum mask: CNN newscaster Lou Dobbs, who plays the “We have met the enemy, and he is us” with his conservative agenda and commentary while in reality espousing Republican ideology on national television.

Lou Dobbs personifies the stereotypical curmudgeon who does nothing but sits on his backside and complains about the federal government and Americans that doesn’t agree with him.

Quick, Yellow Dog! Please hand me the remote! It’s time for a channel check!

Pepe La Phew mask: Fifth District Congressman Virgil Goode, whose famed Southern-gentleman politics have been lost in his recent congressional campaign. Phew! Southside is fuming about the Wall Street bailout and the downturn in the nation’s economy and loss of jobs, no thanks to Virgil’s voting record.

More to the point, Congressman Goode’s media campaign and commercials have stunk to a high-pitched sounding heaven! Depicting his Democratic opponent Tom Perriello in TV political commercials as dark, shady character downright stinks.

It’s time for a change.

Bob Barr mask: Staunch Republican and Congressional source Dry Throat, who is supporting Libertarian Bob Barr for President in 2008. Apparently, Dry Throat doesn’t like the politics of Democratic Obama or Republican McCain.

Republican loyalist Dry Throat keeps insisting on raising the bar for Bob Barr!

Joe the Plumber mask: Wealth, elitist Republicans, who are millionaires parading across the television screen acting as ordinary middle-class citizens while talking trash about Democrats and advocating their GOP “Steal from the Poor, Give to the Rich” trickle-down economics and Wall Street bailouts.

Obviously, the Republican National Committee believes the average working American Joes and Janes are brainless idiots.

Batman villain Two-Face mask: Sen. Joe Lieberman, I-Conn., who once upon a time played the part of a young New England liberal Democrat with vision and hope, but has transformed into a dark villain working with the Republican Party to elected John McCain in order to support the unjust war in Iraq.

Simply stated, Two-Face Joe Lieberman places his support of Israel over the interest of the United States.

Frankenstein the Monster mask: Republican strategist Karl Rove, who is half-man, half-monster when it comes to political campaign mudslinging and dirty tricks and numerous October surprises over the past decade.

It’s no wonder President Bush nicknamed him “Turd Blossom.”

The Wolfman mask: California First District congressional nominee Zane Starkwolf, who constituents complained about receiving a sex hotline robocall, err … I meant to say racy campaign robocall on a Sunday afternoon.

Robo-porno! Surprised? Hot breaths, sexy voices and moans don’t equal GOP family values, but then again, “Do as I Say, Not as I Do.”

Howdy Doody mask: State Sen. Emmett Hanger, R-Augusta, a right-wing conservative legislator who has sponsored bills ranging from voting rights for felons to volunteer castration of sex offenders to voting to increase state taxes on his Shenandoah Valley constituents.

As long as this 1950s-thinking puppet continues to vote the Pat Dobson and Family Forum agenda, it’s “Howdy Dowdy Time” in the Virginia State Senate!

Dumbo the Elephant mask: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-Calif., who is an elephant with conservative economic policies. However his social leanings don’t always FLY in the nation’s political arena.

Of course, Americans have discovered Lipstick Pigs don’t FLY either.

Blue Dog endorsements!!!

Eight is enough. Yes, eight years of Republican trickle-down economics and an unjust war in Iraq based on weapons of mass destruction that weren’t there is enough to demand a change.

Are you ready for Democratic treats? The Blue Dog is.

Three good reasons to vote Democrat are:

Vision: Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama and VP Joe Biden will transform America and restore our faith in good government.

Resolution: Virginia Democratic Senate nominee Mark Warner is resolved to bring his business commonsense approach to the Senate floor.

Integrity: Sixth District congressional nominee Sam Rasoul will work to reform PAC contributions and vote for fiscal conservatism.

Let me encourage Sixth District residents to think about our country first and stop living in the past and begin to create a future where America is the beacon of liberty and justice in the world.

Vote early, vote often and vote Democrat in 2008!

Bush could easily wear a MAD magazine Alfred E. Newman mask as well.

“What me worry?” says George Bush. He’s no doubt a rich oilman now.

The Invisible Man mask: Republican VP Dick Cheney, who has mysteriously disappeared and has not been seen in public during the 2008 presidential campaign.

No Republican Convention celebration, no assisting the McCain campaign, no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, and no job for VP Dick Cheney after Jan. 20.

The Blue Dog heard Halliburton is hiring ex-politicos as government lobbyists?

Horn Toad mask: Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, who is a sycophant for the religious right and GOP conservatives, was caught red-handed, err … I meant to say caught red-footed in a men’s restroom.

Craig playing footloose and hand fancy free while lingering in a stall approached an undercover police investigating complaints of sexual activity in the restroom.

It’s more GOP “Do as I say, Not as I Do” body language that spells nothing more than H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-S-Y.

Mr. GOODBAR mask: Sixth District Congressman Bob Goodlatte, who talks about sugar-sweet economic success while promoting George Bush’s nutty trickle-down economic theories along with supporting for a war that has bankrupted the nation, oh, duh?

His Blue Dog opponent Democrat Sam Rasoul doesn’t have a sweet tooth for spending and wasting taxpayer’s dollars. Rasoul is fiscally responsible and has my vote on Election Day.

Mr. Magoo mask: Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, who turned a blind eye to illegal gifts and compounds the problem by failing to admit to a mistake he could distinguish by eyesight – hundreds of thousands in renovations to his home.

More to the point, Stevens was mentor to Gov. Sarah Palin as an up-and-coming conservative Republican wannabe.

Do Alaskan birds of a feather flock together?

Count Dracula mask: Jeff Frederick, who as the Republican Party of Virginia chairman has subjected the Commonwealth of Virginia to bloodsucking commentary and ghoulish politics in the presidential election. Fredrick is a dirty trickster with no treats.

Hey, Yellow Dog Democrat! Where’s my vial of holy water?

The Lord of the Rings Army of Orcs mask: The Republican National Committee, who supports a military industrial complex and welfare for the rich determined to destroy the middle class of American.

We know the end to this J.R.R. Tolkien story line. The Army of Orcs will be defeated and peace and prosperity returns to Middle Earth, err … I meant to say the Middle Class of America.

Betty Boop mask: Sen. Libby Dole, R-N.C., another do-nothing senator who thrives on her charismatic appeal with the evangelical right has claimed her opponent Kay Hagen was hanging around “Godless Americans.”

Imagine that! Sen. Dole is against freedom of religion and the Bill of Rights.

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