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Suggested New Year’s Resolutions for New Year’s Chaos

chaos-featuredIt’s that time of year – when we all vow to go to the gym, stop eating like horses, go to bed at a decent hour and a million other things that we want to do, know that we should do, and have no intention of doing anymore this time next week.

They’re called New Year’s Resolutions, and they apply to professional wrestlers, too.

Imagining what the wrestlers on the card at New Year’s Chaos might be resolving for 2013 …

Goldust: Get that dream match with half-brother Cody Rhodes at WrestleMania 29. I want Dad in my corner.

Chris Masters: Lose that ounce of body fat that I picked up last summer. Finally win that world title that everybody has been saying is my destiny for the past few years.

“Hacksaw” Jim Duggan: I’ve got it pretty good … a spot in the WWE Hall of Fame, control of my schedule. A few guest appearances on “Raw” to big pops would be a good goal.

Daivari: Respect. I want respect. Come on, I choked a guy out on a train who was threatening to kill another passenger. And you’re still booing me? Actually, maybe that is respect. Thanks, I guess.

Meatball: I am the life of every party. Goal for 2013: continue to be the life of every party. Life is good.

Short Sleeve Sampson: Get that MCW belt off Meatball at Chaos, then carry the company back to another season on TruTV.

Angelina Love: Lose that ounce of body fat that I picked up last summer. Make sure the cats are fed before I leave for the road.

Katie Lea Burchill: Whatever Katie wants, Katie gets, right?

Jason Gory/Facade: A tryout. That’s all either of us needs. Once we get in, there’s no way they’re letting us slip through their fingers.

Marvin Ward: I never did get my hands on that Ricky Morton. You think what I had Kevin Nash do to you was bad? Buddy, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.

More online at www.TopRopeProWrestling.com.


Augusta Health Augusta Free Press Kris McMackin CPA
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