My 10-pound running mate
Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham
“Um, Benzi … no! We’re not … OK.”
This is what happens every day now when I take my beloved miniature poodle for her early-afternoon walk.
And actually, I could say that something similar comes up when we go for our morning walk. And most of our late-evening walks.
“She weighs all of 10 pounds. Show her who’s boss,” my friend Eli advised me when I informed him of my plight.
“Seriously. Throw your weight around,” our mutual buddy Mordecai chimed in for good measure.
“You want to be my city councilman, and you can’t even make a poodle do what you want her to do?”
That was from my sportswriter friend, Dobie Madison.
“Sorry, buddy. You’re going to have to do more than that to win my vote.”
Dobie can be … harsh.
Problem is, the Benzer has me wrapped around her little finger.
The other morning, after our trek down the hill to City Hall and back, she plopped down in my office right underneath where I usually sit at my computer.
So when I sat down to access said computer, well …
“Hoof … harummph.”
See, the sunlight was coming in the oversized bay window to my right and hitting right at where my feet were to be sitting under my desk.
“OK, I’ll move,” I said, and shifted the computer to the other side of my L-shaped desk for the rest of the morning.
And for the record, the Benz slept in the sun spot for the duration.
You know, until our next walk down to City Hall.
“This can be good for you. Shows your softer side. And you can get the animal-lovers vote. Go with it,” advised my lawyer-agent-political consultant, Harvey D. Shyster III, Esquire.
“Take a pooper scooper with you, though. You know, just in case,” said his son, Harvey D. Shyster IV, who’s interning with the campaign.
“This is why we have him around, Chris. Because that’s brilliant. She does anything down at City Hall, you can say you’re cleaning up the mess of previous city administrations. Write that down, Four,” the Senior Shyster said.
I dunno that I’m going to make it part of the campaign or anything, the consultation notwithstanding.
“You don’t, and you’re back to coming across as a weakling who has a poodle telling him what to do,” the Shyster said.
At least it gets me out of the office and gets me some exercise.
Could be what The Benzito has in mind for me, anyway.
(Note from The Benzito: Actually, I’m just asserting my power. Signed, The Benzito.)
Chris Graham is the executive editor of The Augusta Free Press.