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Jim Bishop: Counting in my sleep is sheep-inducing (That’s baaaaaad)!

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“And the mem’ries sweet
Of the days repeat
In our dreams they creep
While we sleep, sleep, sleep.”
– Little Willie John (1960)

Last night, I promptly dropped off to sleep and dreamt that I ate a giant marshmallow, and upon awakening this morning, my pillow was gone.

You took that lying down, like a bedridden shoplifter, didn’t you?

No, this is not another pun-chant attempt at pundemoanium, but rather a feeble acknowledgment that I was too lazy to get up in the middle of the night, turn on the computer in our bedroom and play back, as best I could, the gist of a column idea that swirled in my subconscious.

The next morning, all I could remember is that a fairly decent essay was germinating in the midst of my sawing wood, but once awake, I couldn’t cut it. So, in effect, I’m starting over, taking on the somnolent subject of slumber (and no more annoying alliteration, I promise!).

So, what remains in my foggy mind is a recognition of how fortunate I am, at my ancient age, to most nights hit the sack – around the same time, between 10:15 and 10:30 p.m. – fall asleep almost immediately (and soon start snoring, my long-suffering spouse adamantly insists) until the grating buzz of the radio alarm comes on at 5:30 a.m., disrupting my recurring dream of a seven-day weekend.

I remember coming up with this line in an essay for a college creative writing course: “I used to think that if a person couldn’t sleep at night, he must not be living an upright life. If that’s the case, I must really be a saint.” My instructor wrote in the margin: “Good sleight of hand.” I didn’t even know at the time what I’d done, but it felt affirming.

On Friday nights, I don’t set my alarm for Saturday morning, the only day of the week that I don’t have to get up early, but invariably, I awaken anyway around the same ungodly hour, lay there fussing that it happened again and soon realize that I might as well get up because the odds of falling asleep again are as good as my winning the Powerball jackpot.

Paradoxically, those times that it took a long time to fall sleep, then find myself wide awake in the middle of the night or have a generally restless night usually occur when I’ve felt most at peace with myself and the world in general.

Of course, now at MY age, there’s got to be something wrong if I don’t get up at least once during the night to make sure the, er, bathroom fixtures are working properly. The nightlight guides me safely to my destination and back. By the time I’ve reassumed a horizontal position, hairy feline Avery has pounced on the bed and proceeds to purr loudly in my ear.

Some time back, I made a wonderful discovery that has provided a sleep aid on those occasions when I’m lying awake in the early morning hours. “Zoomer Radio,” a commercial station at 740 on the AM dial comes booming in at night from Toronto, Ont. From midnight to 6 a.m., the station cranks out one great song after another, mostly from the 50’s and 60’s, on the “All Night Jukebox” with few commercial interruptions. Next thing I know, the Everly Brothers, Rick Nelson or the Platters are beginning to fade as I slowly reenter slumberland .

The bottom line: I need my sleep. It may not be eight straight hours of uninterrupted snoozing night after night, but the “early to bed, early to rise” axiom works for me and when it does, my work patterns and productivity the next day do too.

The question arises as retirement looms on the horizon: Will this pattern I’ve held to for so long end in retirement and I become like so many people I know who get awake at 3:30 a.m. and that’s it for the night, then an afternoon nap is needed to compensate?

Let me sleep on that and get back to you.

Jim (Rip Van Winkle) Bishop never sleeps on the job as public information officer at Eastern Mennonite University. Prod him at [email protected].

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