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Guy Gone Wild

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

Whatever happened to … I don’t know, the idea that some things were better left unsaid?

I know, I know – I’m a First Amendment guy. Have to be, me being a journalist and all.

But …

Do I really need to know about whether or not the guy sitting next to me has erectile dysfunction?

I mean, if he does or doesn’t isn’t a matter of concern to me.

Good luck with it – or whatever.

Just leave me out of the loop as far as knowledge of it is concerned.

And yet you turn on the TV, and every other second there’s some guy yammering on and on and on about how he has E.D.

The remainder of the time seems to be devoted to letting people with genital herpes prattle on about their issues.


I’m not trying to belittle the importance of these discussions – not at all.

But seriously, shouldn’t they be behind a closed door, with some doctor type leading the discussion?

Part of me – a big part – pines for the days when we didn’t have to hear this stuff between jokes during reruns of “Seinfeld” or during a broadcast of the Sox and Yankees or whenever else.

Because, let me tell you, the target marketing that is being done these days has to make you wonder.

“Honey, I’m watching the football game – and the last three commercials have been for Viagra, Cialis and that new diarrhea medicine that they put out last month,” I caught myself saying last week, before realizing that I needed to start expanding my horizons from a viewing perspective.

Really – what are they trying to say about the average football fan is that he can’t get it up, really can’t get it up, and also can’t get it out.

These are not good things to find out about yourself from watching the idiot box.

Not that changing your habits will help you out much – I was subject to a promotion for “Girls Gone Wild” the other evening while watching an “Ultimate Fighter” rerun.

So we add to not being able to get it up or out the inability to identify and commingle with members of the opposite sex.


One last commercial leads me to wonder something else about myself.

I was flipping through the channels when a commercial for something that I hadn’t seen advertised before flashed across the TV screen.

It was young college hunks wearing little more than swimming trunks.

Yep, you guessed it – “Guys Gone Wild.”

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but …

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