Chris Saxman: Cold Fusion-The Hills Are Alive Edition

America is poised to enter a very new stage of her history – she is about to choose, for the first time, between candidates for president from both major political parties who call the suburbs their home.

No more will Americans be choosing between candidates who grew up poor on the hardscrabble streets of Crossroads, USA and then went to college or the military to go someplace. This marks a profound change. Not good or bad mind you, it just is.

Granted there is a lot of difference between suburban Honolulu/Djakarta and Detroit and Pittsburgh, but for the most part the suburban areas of America have the highest standard of living in the world. By a lot. Very few places in the world offer the quality of life of Suburbia USA.

Consider Mitt Romney. Raised on the rough and tumble fairways of Bloomfield Hills, MI a mere five miles from the townhouses of Troy, MI which were my pre-school to 4th grade experience. His school was Cranbrook, one of the finest in the country. Mine was Poppleton Elementary and in my 4th grade year on my parent’s anniversary (1/21/75)the boiler blew up in the middle of the night thus ending school forever!

Not really. We had to shlep on over to Boulan Park for the rest of the year, but man that was pretty amazing event. Our school BLEW UP. I mean…you dream of it…maybe even under your breath ask Santa for it…but…it happened. IT. BLEW. UP.

Ehh…it was the 70s….everything was blowing up then. Except for Cranbrook.

People were moving to Suburban America in hopes of finding the best of everything and just around the corner and eventually delivered. (Thanks, Domino’s) It’s a very different culture, the Burbs. And that culture is changing rapidly and soon will dominate – forever – our political life and economic reality.

Kids don’t grow up cutting lawns and delivering newspapers as those tasks have been vertically integrated into some corporate franchise structure. Kids don’t grow up “sharing the telephone” or negotiating between which shows to watch on TV. They get their own phones and have big screen high definition televisions in every room in the house. OH and their phones are also televisions!

Parents don’t have to threaten corporal punishment to get the attention of their offspring with “Just wait until your father gets home….” It’s simply – “After consulting with your father, we have decided that it is best that we take your phone as punishment. Now go clean up your fifth place soccer trophies and 7th place spelling ribbons.”

No mom. ANYTHING BUT THAT. Like I’m Totally Not Even Kidding. Please!!!! NOT THAT!!!! You’re SERIOUS? MY PHONE??? I HATE YOU.

Go talk to your grandparents. They remember the Great Depression and World War II. They had one radio, maybe one car and one professional sport – baseball.

Consider Rick Santorum. Born in Winchester, Va and lives outside Leesburg, Va but is not on the Presidential Primary Ballot, Va. Santorum represented Suburban Pittsburgh in Congress. His house is about 6 miles from the house we lived in right off Route 22 in Penn Hills prior to moving to Suburban Detroit. Yes, we went from Pittsburgh to Detroit. We were The Jeffersons before The Jeffersons were cool.

Say what you will about Pittsburgh and Detroit, their suburbs are nice and as far as suburbs go – relatively established. The Economic Diasporas of Motown and Steel City created vibrant oases for upwardly mobile, predominantly white, married folks looking for a better way of life.

Again, this is not meant to cast aspersions on Suburban America. Not at all. It is just a reality check on where America is likely go since it’s leaders are coming from areas with amazing levels of peace and prosperity. The view is so dramatically different because the landscape is so well manicured.

Consider Barack Obama. He comes from Honolulu and Hawaii’s most prestigious school, Punahou. Granted, Obama had a not normal childhood with an extended stay in Suburban Djakarta, but Punahou is the Cranbrook of Hawaii. Hawaii doesn’t exactly have snow days or boilers for that matter. They probably break out sweaters when the temps plunge below 75.

These three men come from the Land of Conformity Without Need all trying to land the Big Job by attending to certain demographic/political Wants. This is the new era in American politics – Suburban Control. This is where the action is. This is where the swing districts are.

Rural and urban areas of the country are, respectively, very red and very blue. The Hills of Suburbia are now in full control of Capitol Hill.

The Suburban Culture of not knowing your neighbor and not knowing the underlying culture is well represented in DC these days – they don’t know each other and they don’t know how to get along with each other because they are too busy. Why? Because real change is bad in Suburbia USA. It already is the best place to live in the world, why would they change it? They are living the dream and prefer the sleep that comes with it.

John F Kennedy once said “Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth”.

If Kennedy had ever gone to an Olive Garden I hope he would have been impressed enough with the bread, salad and mediocre Italian food never to return.

There. I said it. Let the Revolution BEGIN!!!

Now, cue the opening scene of the Sound of Music and turn to your textbooks on Austrian economics. Better yet, read Ethics and the National Economy by Father Heinrich Pesch, S.J.

THEN let the revolution begin….



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