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Chris Saxman: Cold Fusion-Super Bowl Ads Edition

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I had only three reasons to watch the Super Bowl this year.

1. It was the last football game until college spring games in April

2. Whether or not the score was going to be close to my prediction of 20-17 and well under the Over/Under Las Vegas put on the game of 54.5 points.  I had NO idea or concern as to whether or not the Giants beat the Patriots or vice versa. In another battle of New York versus Boston, I choose C) None of the above.

3. The ads

Offering a Cold Fusion look at the ads, I will attempt to convey how I look at Super Bowl ads and frankly, advertising in general.

If I like an ad, I am more likely to buy the product. If I am unmoved by the ads, I will remain in a neutral position on the product, which means my purchasing decisions remain unaffected. If, however, I hate the commercial I will refuse to buy the product ever again.

For instance, I hate Continental Airlines. There is no ad they could run that could possibly make me fly their airline unless they took to the air and said “We are sorry for making you spend a day at the Newark dump/airport.” That would get my attention and likely forgiveness.

There are many products I love but since none of them ran ads in the Super Bowl, I am pleased to report that they did not waste my hard earned money. That’s the government’s job.

In NO particular order, here we go…..at the end, Cold Fusion will award its BUY THIS PRODUCT BASED SOLELY ON ITS SUPER BOWL AD AWARD.

A. Bud Light – I don’t like Bud Light. I don’t buy Bud Light and I didn’t like their commercials. No change. Congratulations, you did not move into the hate category. Because Anheuser-Busch sold out to InBev, a Belgian company, I have no feelings for them or their products. Buy Belgian! Support the Flemish! Doesn’t cut it.

B. Budweiser – I don’t like Budweiser. I don’t buy Budweiser but I DID like their commercials. Congratulations. I will not have a negative opinion about your move to Belgium. See above. Neutral for you is good. Soon, you will be bought by the Swiss.

C. Acura – Jerry Seinfeld – the longer version on You Tube is HILARIOUS. Loved that commercial. Vintage Seinfeld. I would consider buying that car but it looks very expensive. If someone asks me about buying an Acura, I would say, “Loved that Seinfeld commercial, but the car was in it only once.” Neutral.

D. Doritos – I like Doritos. I buy Doritos. Their ads were pretty good and usually are during the Super Bowl. We had seven bags of chips here for the Young Life Super Bowl Buffet that we laid out for the 20 or so high school boys attending and not one of the bags was Doritos. Positive watching/purchasing experience.

E. Oikos Yogurt from Dannon. I really like Oikos Greek Yogurt and a friend of mine who works for Dannon in the yogurt area told me they were running a Super Bowl ad. He couldn’t tell me what the ad was about because the whole company was in a black out period due to earnings reports. Due to this ad, I will likely never buy Oikos again. I hated it. The girl head butting John Stamos (Greek. oh….) and Stamos just sitting their knocked on his bee hind? I have long since ruled out products that intentionally try to denigrate either men or women, but especially men. It’s been going on for far too long and has to stop. Well, it’s stops with my wallet. Oikos joins T Mobile and many others who are on the Do Not Buy List. Congrats. Buying Chobani instead.

F. GE. Thanks for reminding me during tax season that you have enough money to run ads since you didn’t pay any federal income taxes last year. Since the nuns from Little Sisters of the Poor are on this email list, the profane words will remain untyped; however, my Cup of Profanities runneth over in my head. Oikos, T-Mobile and GE. You would have been better off not running ads.

H. Honda – Loved your ad with Matthew Broderick reprising his role as Ferris Bueller. You Tube that one. I still won’t buy a Honda and certainly not a Honda SUV. It’s not that I don’t like Hondas, it just that I don’t like them. There just sort of….there. Congrats. No harm, no foul. So, buy a Honda. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Same goes for Hyundai and Kia. I like Toyotas though, they have the guts to race in NASCAR and are great products! Buy those!

I. Samsung – this one is a Cold Fusion Finalist. Great Ad. Would make me want to buy your smart phone.

J. Adriana Lima, Danica Patrick, Jillian Michaels, David Beckham – No opinion on your products whatever they were. Attractive people sell things, we get that. I just don’t get tattoos. Which brings me to….

K. Fiat. Okay, that was a great ad. Funny and sexy and actually ended up being centered on the product. Which is great because I have actually thought about buying one of those Fiats. They’re pretty cool. But what was with the tattoo on the neck of the actress? Distracting. Still – you’re a Cold Fusion Finalist. Congrats.

L. GMs commercials were good especially the Chevy truck one after the Mayan Apocalypse. Right up until they mentioned Ford. Thanks for reminding me Ford did not take bail out money. So, for torquing me off – you lose. No purchases from this guy. Which brings me to….

Dodge/Chrysler/Jeep ad with Clint Eastwood. Great ad. Finalist. Everyone is talking about it and I immediately wanted to buy a Jeep. Granted I have been thinking about it, but this could have sealed the deal. Wait…the buyout…curses!  Then it had an Obama ad feel to it…but wait, Clint is Republican! Decisions…decisions….

M. Avengers Movie. Looks cool. Sooooo…..

The Cold Fusion BUY THIS PRODUCT SOLELY BASED ON ITS SUPER BOWL AD AWARD goes to….Doritos. Snacks are a likely purchase, so go for it – and their relatively inexpensive unlike cars and smart phones with contracts.

Overall, the best ads of the night – 1. Clint Eastwood. 2. Jerry Seinfeld. 3. Samsung. 4 Fiat and 5. Avengers the Movie – but I was already going.

Yes, I did pick the game 20-17 and stayed away from the spread. Great game.

The twelve year old firecracker daughter? What did she do during the game, you ask?

She watched High School Musical – Like I’m TOTALLY Not Even Kidding.

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