Chris Graham: Sorry if I offend anybody with this column

Not picking on Jack Morris here, because I’ve been wanting to write this kind of column, about people offering dumb apologies for saying dumb things, for a while, and always keep forgetting.

In case you missed it, Morris, the Hall of Fame pitcher, is now a color analyst on Detroit Tigers TV broadcasts.

Well, technically, not right at the moment. Morris was suspended from his job this week after a dumb comment made in reference to Los Angeles Angels star Shohei Ohtani, made with a dumb mock Japanese accent.

Morris, attempting to avoid the inevitable, offered this as a way of apology:

“It’s been brought to my attention, and I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody, especially anybody in the Asian community, for what I said about pitching and being careful to Jose, er, Shohei Ohtani. I did not intend for any offensive thing, and I apologize if I did. I certainly respect and have the utmost respect for this guy ,and I don’t blame a pitcher for walking him.”

Dumb comment, dumb stereotype accent, dumb apology.

Again, not picking on Jack Morris here, because everybody caught doing something dumb on a hot mic offers up this standard dumb apology.

“I’m sorry if I offended anybody.”

Passive-aggressive much?

So, what you’re saying here is, sorry if your widdle fee-fees are hurt.

Because that’s how this comes across.

How about: “I’m sorry for that obviously dumb thing that I said. It was dumb. It was offensive. If you weren’t offended, you should have been.”

Fixed that for ya.

Moving on …

“I did not intend for any offensive thing, and I apologize if I did.”

How about: “This one sounded a lot funnier in my head than it did when it started coming out of my mouth. It’s hard for me to fathom that I wasn’t able to disengage mid-stream. Again, it was offensive, you should have been offended, if you weren’t, you might need to join me in the sensitivity training that I’m going to be signed up for when this game is over.”

The worst part of this apology: “It’s been brought to my attention …”

The dumb comment came in the sixth inning.

The apology: in the ninth.

It took roughly an hour for the broadcast to address this?

Sounds like Jack Morris isn’t the only one in need of sensitivity training.

Story by Chris Graham

augusta free press news