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Chris Graham: Global smarming

“Yeah, so there goes your theory.”

My friend Eli again. Trying to tell me that because the high temperature hasn’t gotten out of the low 60s the past couple of days, yep, you guessed it …

“Global waming is a hoax, man. Been telling you that for years,” he said.

He’s also been telling me for years that the world was about to come to an end. First back in 1999 with the Y2K hysteria.

“The Mayans, man, whatever. You can deny it if you want. I’m prepared.”

How one prepares for the end of the world, I have no earthly idea.

“Batteries, lots of batteries. And PB&J. And sleeping bags. And a good tent.”

Resourceful, that one.

Back to the matter at hand. Last Halloween, remember, it snowed? Uh-huh.

“So much for your little theory.”

As if it’s my theory. Like I’ve dedicated my life to observing the atmosphere and eons of climate data and come up with the notion that the globe is getting hotter.

OK, I do watch an inordinate amount of Weather Channel.

Back in early April, it snowed for 10 minutes one afternoon a couple of days after it was 85.

“Global icing, more like it,” Eli taunted.

It’s the same on the other side, of course. The Virginia State Climatology Office says the average temperature for the three-month period beginning March 1 was the hottest on record for said period.

Which sounds impressive, until you consider that they’ve been keeping records for something like 125 years. Whereas the earth has been here something like 4.5 billion years, give or take 125.

“If you believe that scientific mumbo-jumbo about carbon dating, sure, 4.5 billion years, whatever you say, Einstein,” Eli said when I tried to give him some benefit of the doubt.

“My point is this. You’re an egghead.”

I can accept that. I read The New Yorker every week.

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