Chance of showers?

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

“This is fun … I’m sitting in a bowl of soup.”

This was my feeling this weekend when my shower went on the fritz.

Except for the occasional relaxation soak, I hadn’t taken a serious bath in, well, forever.

I know why now.

“The dirty water has nowhere to go,” I caught myself saying out loud as I lathered up.

This is how diseases get spread in Third World countries, I surmised in an instant.

You’re just … there. And so is the stuff that you were trying to wash off.

It’s not so bad if you’re linguini, I suppose.

Or a side of beef in a crock pot.

That kind of in-water experience lets the taste seep in just right.

What I was doing wasn’t right at all.

And then there’s this – how in the Sam Hill do you wash your hair in a bathtub?

I tried sticking my head under the faucet. The third-degree burns on the tippy-top of my scalp will indicate my lack of success on this count.

I ended up washing in the sink – which is barely big enough to accommodate a size eight and a quarter noggin like mine.

Problem there was that I couldn’t get the soap out of my hair quick enough.

Yep, I walked around for two days with soap drying on my head.

(Note to self: Need to buy some Denorex the next time I make it out to the Wal-Mart.)

So my hair is a mess, I’m sick as a doggie-dog (coincidence or not, I’ve come down with the flu since the shower problem reared its ugly head).

The first person who sends me an e-mail with the subject line “Calgon, Take Me Away” can kiss my …

 

Chris Graham’s Stop the Presses column appears on this blog on Tuesdays and Fridays. For more on Chris Graham’s humor columns and other fiction writing, visit www.authorchrisgraham.com.



augusta free press
augusta free press news

UVA Basketball Fans!

uva basketball team of destiny
Team of Destiny: Inside Virginia Basketball’s Run to the 2019 National Championship, by Jerry Ratcliffe and Chris Graham, is available for $25. The book, with additional reporting by Zach Pereles, Scott Ratcliffe, and Scott German, will take you from the aftermath of the stunning first-round loss to UMBC in 2018 through to the thrilling overtime win over Texas Tech to win the 2019 national title, the first in school history.

Dick Vitale on Team of Destiny: “This is a hoops story you will LOVE! Jerry and Chris capture the sensational and dramatic championship journey by Tony Bennett and his tenacious Cavalier team. UVA was Awesome Baby and so is this book!”

Ralph Sampson on Team of Destiny: “Jerry and Chris have lived and seen it all, even before my time. I highly recommend this book to every basketball fan across the globe. This story translates to all who know defeat and how to overcome it!”

Buy here.

AFP Business

As professional consultants, Augusta Free Press LLC provides clients in the Shenandoah Valley and Central Virginia and beyond with marketing and PR solutions including website design, SEO, TV/radio, video work, branding and logos, social media and overall marketing campaign design and implementation. Augusta Free Press LLC was founded in 2002.

Web Design

Augusta Free Press has designed more than 800 websites for clients in the Shenandoah Valley and Central Virginia. We take care of all facets of web design – visual design, layout design, content development and SEO. Short on staff? We’ll work with you to update your AFP-designed website in a timely manner or train your staff to make changes.

Marketing/Social Media Management

Augusta Free Press manages advertising campaigns for small- and medium-sized businesses across Virginia. You don’t need to hire a full-time marketing coordinator. Bring the experience of the Augusta Free Press team to work for you – for a fraction of the cost.

Graphic Design

Augusta Free Press will help you take your vision to the next level. From branding and logos to print materials, our team will work with you to develop products to showcase your business. From brochures and rack cards to full-color magazines or print/digital ads, we’ve got you covered.

Event Planning/Fundraising

Augusta Free Press will help you plan the best event for your organization. From an open house or anniversary to a 5K or Pay Per View, we can handle it all. Looking for training for your sales staff? We can help energize your employees or board. Need ideas to raise more money? Let us help you plan a successful event. Want to hold a news conference or need help with a press release? We can do that too.

Click here for more.