Chance of showers?

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

“This is fun … I’m sitting in a bowl of soup.”

This was my feeling this weekend when my shower went on the fritz.

Except for the occasional relaxation soak, I hadn’t taken a serious bath in, well, forever.

I know why now.

“The dirty water has nowhere to go,” I caught myself saying out loud as I lathered up.

This is how diseases get spread in Third World countries, I surmised in an instant.

You’re just … there. And so is the stuff that you were trying to wash off.

It’s not so bad if you’re linguini, I suppose.

Or a side of beef in a crock pot.

That kind of in-water experience lets the taste seep in just right.

What I was doing wasn’t right at all.

And then there’s this – how in the Sam Hill do you wash your hair in a bathtub?

I tried sticking my head under the faucet. The third-degree burns on the tippy-top of my scalp will indicate my lack of success on this count.

I ended up washing in the sink – which is barely big enough to accommodate a size eight and a quarter noggin like mine.

Problem there was that I couldn’t get the soap out of my hair quick enough.

Yep, I walked around for two days with soap drying on my head.

(Note to self: Need to buy some Denorex the next time I make it out to the Wal-Mart.)

So my hair is a mess, I’m sick as a doggie-dog (coincidence or not, I’ve come down with the flu since the shower problem reared its ugly head).

The first person who sends me an e-mail with the subject line “Calgon, Take Me Away” can kiss my …

 

Chris Graham’s Stop the Presses column appears on this blog on Tuesdays and Fridays. For more on Chris Graham’s humor columns and other fiction writing, visit www.authorchrisgraham.com.



uva basketball team of destiny

Team of Destiny: Inside UVA Basketball's improbable run

Team of Destiny: Inside Virginia Basketball’s Run to the 2019 National Championship, by Jerry Ratcliffe and Chris Graham, is available for $25.

The book, with additional reporting by Zach Pereles, Scott Ratcliffe and Scott German, will take you from the aftermath of the stunning first-round loss to UMBC in 2018, and how coach Tony Bennett and his team used that loss as the source of strength, through to the ACC regular-season championship, the run to the Final Four, and the thrilling overtime win over Texas Tech to win the 2019 national title, the first in school history.



 
augusta free press
 

Comments

%d bloggers like this: