Chuck Grassley hasn’t run anything other than a political campaign in his life. Which is probably a good thing. Dude wouldn’t be capable of running a shift at your local McDonald’s.
Because even a shift supervisor at a McDonald’s would know before hiring a kid to be the new fry guy that if somebody came in and said, Wait a sec, you’re hiring that kid, the one who tried to rape that sophomore girl last summer, you’d at least look into it before putting him on the payroll.
Grassley can pretend that what we saw in the Senate on Thursday was an “investigation,” but anybody who has ever even watched a crime show on the TV knows that asking one person what happened, then asking the other person what happened, is not an investigation.
Even on the TV, where they have an hour to wrap up the drama before going on to the next dumb show, they at least know to show us that you talk to, novel concept here, other witnesses.
For example, in this case of Brett Kavanaugh and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, OK, so we heard from Blasey Ford, who said she was attacked by Kavanaugh and a classmate, Mark Judge. Then we heard from Kavanaugh, who said, not me.
What Grassley is doing is, OK, we’ve completed our investigation, we’re ready to hire Kavanaugh to be our fry guy.
The TV crime drama people would, understandably, take us after the commercial break to an interview with Judge, and no, the investigators wouldn’t settle for a letter signed by his lawyer, and call that examining the witness.
So, then, presumably, we know what Judge says, not only his first statement, but what he has to say about his own background, his admitted issues with binge alcoholism, for example, what he wrote in a book that seemed abundantly clear was about his buddy Brett Kavanaugh having his own issues with blackout drinking.
Then, another commercial break, and we see the people in suits tracking down others from the social circles of Blasey Ford and Kavanaugh. Somebody remembers something, is the operating thesis, so let’s exhaust all possibilities until we either find somebody, or die trying.
We also examine the additional accusations against Kavanaugh from other incidents in high school and college, and how one colleague had noted that Kavanaugh, as a judge, had an obvious preference for attractive female clerks.
All of it – from Blasey Ford to the additional accusers to the story about clerks – could very well be bunk. All of it could be 100 percent truth. The story could end up being somewhere in between.
We may not get to the end of the hour with a final answer on whether we can hire Brett Kavanaugh as our newest McDonald’s team member.
But, at least, if Chuck Grassley wasn’t taking his rich buddy Donald Trump’s word for it, that the kid who wants to be the new fry guy is a good kid, a solid kid, a smart kid, the smartest, and the pushback on whether or not to hire him is #fakenews, and he’d show even the least bit of curiosity that the average person making ten bucks an hour to serve burgers and shakes has to have to be able to remain employed, well.
I’m asking too much here.
Column by Chris Graham
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