A dog-eared point of view

Stop the Presses column by Chris Graham

I’m Benzi, Chris’s beloved if not spoiled pooch, and I only have a few minutes, so here goes.

I am sick and tired of cats – particularly how they walk around unfettered, as it were.

Dogs have to be chained or on a leash or otherwise trapped in an enclosed space of some sort.

But cats, well, they get the run of the world.

OK, OK – I know you’re probably wondering how a poodle can write a column.

Come on, do you really think this is at all difficult?

Half of Chris’s columns are toilet humor.

(Actually, I’m probably underestimating there by about, oh, half.)

So surely, if he can do it, I can.

(And I promise – no toilet humor. Especially anything about how dogs supposedly drink out of toilets. A vicious rumor, that one, and as far as I know, it’s patently untrue.)

Ahem.

Back to what I was saying – which was, namely, that I hate cats.

There, I said it.

And I wonder about all this cat bias in the news media.

I mean, really – how many times have you seen stories in the media about the need for cat-leash laws?

That’s right. Never happens.

And yet, think about it. How much more damage can cats do wandering around the neighborhood?

I, for one, have never felt compelled to eat out of a trash can.

Alright, there was that one time – but the smell of fresh chicken always does that to me.

I’m not one for knocking over trash cans, though, as a matter of course.

And I would definitely not scatter trash across a backyard like I’ve seen cats do over and over and over.

So you can see why I get so upset when I look out the window and see a cat prancing around.

It bothers me to no end, frankly – a fact that I’m about to make Chris aware of.

Rahrahrahrah-rahrahrahrah. Rahrahrahrahrahrah-rahrahrahrahrahrahrah!

Pardon the interruption.

So as I was saying, leash laws for cats.

Hey, it’s only fair.

 

Chris Graham’s Stop the Presses column appears on this blog on Tuesdays and Fridays. For more on Chris Graham’s humor columns and other fiction writing, visit www.authorchrisgraham.com.


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