Gianna Gariglietti: Holding offenders accountable
Sadly, the Penn State Scandal has not surprised me or any of my colleagues at the Collins Center and Child Advocacy Center. Similar things have occurred within the Boy Scouts of America and the Catholic Church. The structures of these large organizations seem to make it ambiguous as to who is responsible for reporting suspected child abuse, with additional pressures placed to maintain a public image. Indeed, it seems all too often, the perpetrator receives protection rather than the victim. However, this phenomenon is not unique to large organizations. We see these exact responses within the families of the victims that we work with daily.
Wherever sexual abuse is uncovered, the people closest seem to feel the need to take sides. Either the perpetrator is seen as an evil, irredeemable person or (what happens more often) the victim is seen as a troublemaker, confused or just plain lying. We simply do not seem to know how to support, believe, and get help for the victim, while at the same time hold the offender accountable and also have the compassion and forethought to help them.
Don’t get me wrong, the offender does need to be held accountable for his/her crimes which may include incarceration, sex offender registry, limited mobility and other losses to personal freedom. They also need to acknowledge what they have done and have a desire to change. But without support from family, friends and community members the offender is unlikely to succeed. Shunning and isolating a person at risk of offending does not help them as they try to rebuild their lives free from abusing children.
This idea of teaching people how to support both the victim and offender at the same time is something we support at the Collins Center. When both parties are in the same family this may be the only way to prevent tearing families apart, and when 85% of children are victimized by someone in their own family then this is truly the only way. In my experience working with hundreds of victims and their families, this is also the best way for victims to get support and protection.
The idea of a stranger sneaking into window at night or lurking around at a park only to steal a child is not the statistical reality of who is abusing children. It is our brothers, fathers, teachers, uncles, step-parents, pastors, and yes our football coaches. These are people who are loved and admired by many, which is why we sometimes have such a hard time believing they could do such horrible things. Sex offenders are not just creepy, dirty, scary looking men. They most often look like any ordinary or even upstanding citizen.
Neither should a victim’s stories be kept secret from other family members. In order to protect children within a family, all the adults should know if there is a person at risk to offend and that person needs to know that their actions are no longer a secret and that others are watching. This helps hold a recovering person accountable and makes it less likely that they will re-offend.
If Coach Sandusky had seen examples of sex offenders who had gotten treatment, and who had been supported in their recovery, then maybe he would have sought help in 1998. He admitted to a boy’s mother then, that he showered with him and other boys and promised to never do it again, saying “I was wrong. I wish I could get forgiveness. I know I won’t get it from you. I wish I were dead.” If there had been another compassionate adult that could have helped him to seek treatment or had he been forced to by the legal system, who knows how many boys this could have prevented from being his victim?
It is every adult’s responsibility to protect children, to confront sexually abusive behaviors in others, and to report suspicions of abuse. When adults learn how, and take it as their role, to prevent child sexual abuse, we have a chance at stopping this pervasive epidemic. One that affects 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys before the age of 18.
Gianna Gariglietti is the executive director of The Collins Center in Harrisonburg. Online at www.TheCollinsCenter.org.
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I am frankly perplexed as to why it is that some writers claim that victims are seen as “troublemakers, confused, or just plain lying” – nor have I ever read or experienced a scenario when someone accused of a s*x crime was provided more public support than the alleged victim.
I am the family member of an RSO whose “crime” was committed as a child. Both of our lives have been massively effected by not just existing SO legislation but by public humiliation, political ignorance and complete and utter invasion of privacy. I advocate actively for SO legislation reform because it is based very little on fact and almost entirely on emotion and high-profile cases which represent the very small minority of offenders.
On a daily basis, myself and others who believe in our cause are ridiculed, accused of horrible things and subjected to relentless ignorance and hate-mongering. The public’s attitude towards SOs, even those who have not been found guilty but only accused, is almost solely disgust and revenge. There is little tolerance or consideration for what may have led up to the crime or even if it’s possible someone has been wrongly accused. And the resources that exist for victims greatly outnumber anything that exists for offenders.
I’m glad that you support treatment of offenders rather than banishing them from society forever. But sadly, effective treatment won’t exist until the legislation is reformed. Since the only “treatment” SOs get is based on the legislation – and the legislation is based on very little fact – so is the treatment. We need to educate the public on how ineffective SO legislation is and help them understand that education and prevention is what will keep children safe – not a registry, public shaming or any of the violent punishments people have suggested.
The reference to the BSA is dated as there is Now and has been for some 20 years a very strict policy that immediately separates the individual from the program AND requires police notification. The recent cases predate the implementation of that policy.
Thank you.