Kids say the darndest things

Column by Max P. Friedman

Watching my 2-year, six-month-old granddaughter grow up has been a real experience, one that I wouldn’t trade for the world. From a little bundle of noise to a cute, curly-haired blonde ball of energy, Mallory has provided the family with much joy and happiness, and a few really bad diapers.

However, as it has been several decades since my daughter Lauren was a baby, it has been really educational and enlightening to see how Mallory has been progressing over the years, especially since she started walking and talking.

Crawling was cute, but once she learned how to walk, it was off to the races, and the girl has not stopped since. She can leave me behind any day, running down the sidewalk and not tripping. Now, that is the amazing thing. I needed training wheels when I learned to walk, but this little girl is a natural walker, runner and climber.

She climbs up the slope of our lawn, our neighbors’ lawns, inclined streets, chairs, beds, and sofas as though she was Sir Edmund Hillary climbing Mount Everest. She is fearless, powerful, and very determined. She can also walk down an inclined slope without falling or slipping, except when she wears her bedroom slippers. Otherwise, she is like a mountain goat, sure-footed and always on the move.

At one nearby house, she climbs up the front stone wall and dances on the flat tree stump like an elf in the woods. Then she goes over and talks to the nearby fire hydrant, which was just painted green and yellow. She is fascinated by it, and often gives it a hug. Then she runs over to a traffic sign/pole and talks to it. I have yet to understand what she is saying to it, but it sounds hilarious.

Now, when it comes to talking, this is where the real amazement begins. For some reason known only to God, little babies, at about 15-18 months, start to talk to themselves in very organized monologues, though you would swear that they are also talking to you. You just know that they know what they are saying, but the words haven’t formed enough for you to understand most of what they are saying. This is not babbling. It is dead-serious talking.

However, what really floored us is how much of the English language and the meaning of words she has absorbed at 2-1/2 years of age. A few selected quoted will give you a glance into the fascinating mind of a little girl.

I had a cookie in my hand, and Mallory said “I want it!” I told her that she would have to ask for it by saying “Can I please have a cookie?” and asked her to say it. Her reply was ” Yup.” She got the cookie anyway.

One day my wife and I were talking about something while I was holding her on my shoulder. Suddenly she turned her head to us and said, “No way!” Did she understand what we were talking about?

The other night, my daughter’s dog ate the cat’s food, and my wife said to Mallory, “Bunny doesn’t have any more food.” Her reply was, “Go to the store and get some.”

On Oct. 23, at two in the morning, Mallory looked at my wife and I and said, “Hi Grandma. Hi Grandpa. How’s it going?”

It took us about 10 minutes to stop laughing.

The last thing that Mallory said that really made my day was when we were playing with her toy dinosaurs in the bed, and she would climb on me like a horse. One time she got off the bed, then climbed up behind me, put her arms around me and said, “I love you grandpa.”

Who could ask for anything more?